Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Twenty-two

Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Twenty-two

AN: I want to take a moment to say I'm so proud of some of you for taking that extra step to heal because of this story. It isn't easy, it's not a fun read, but it must be said.

EPOV

Jasper had made so much progress during the night I was shocked. The fact that he was finally able to tell someone what had happened to him, and really tell them, not leave shit out, was the best gift he could have given himself. Even though I didn't want to hear it as it made me remember my own past I was proud of him for finally letting that obstacle go.

Jasper's fist hitting the bed woke me up and startled me, it took me a few minutes to understand what he'd done. He'd found his anger, something I don't think he'd gotten before now. This was what he needed, he'd never get better without the anger and fury, directed at the right person. So far he'd been feeling guilt and shame and thought he deserved all the pain both given to him and put upon by his own self. That was something I understood all too well.

Alice was screaming at me “Edward!” Unable to really pay attention to what was going on I heard her fluttering around and on the phone. She'd called both the paramedics and the poison control center. This was the fourth time I'd nearly been successful at taking my life. I had tried other times than those, but they never had the intended effect. However, this day I don't remember thinking that I wanted to kill myself, what I wanted was to make myself clean again.

Lying on the kitchen floor I had a bottle of bleach beside me. That night I had a horrible nightmare in which that man had killed me, it was my blood everywhere, not his. He stood over me laughing and said “I own you, you are dead now.” Waking up scared and horrified I stumbled into the bathroom vomiting. The dream was horrid, I hadn't had a nightmare in a long time, but this day my mind couldn't let me rest. That scenario could easily have happened if the man hadn't been dumb enough to put his knife down and I hadn't been angry enough to use it on him.

All I could remember is feeling sick from the pain, the feel of that man, the smell of him, the blood... so much blood. Somehow I'd ended up in the kitchen reaching under the counter to try to make myself clean. I felt dirty and gross and infected on the inside, both physically and mentally. What made me pick up the bleach I had no idea, but I did, it was disgusting. Downing it in large gulps I hoped to cleanse my mind, my body, to end it all. I wanted to be clean, not dead, but in the end, I was nearly dead. If Alice hadn't found me I would have been.

At the time I was more than a little crazy. Most of the time I kept up a masquerade to others, they thought I was normal, didn't have a care in the world, nothing phased me. If they only knew the kind of shit that played in my head they wouldn't think that. Keeping up a plastic facade was in my best interest in living life, in getting through med school, of meeting other people. This wasn't me, not the real me. The only one that knew the real me was Alice, and even she didn't really know me. Some may know what happened, but they didn't have a clue how much being raped, tortured and then finally killing someone had truly affected me.

After that attempt, that to me wasn't an attempt since I didn't plan on killing myself, Alice never left me out of her sight. Unbeknown to me she rented an apartment and decorated it while I was in the hospital recovering, and back in counseling. She got all new furniture and made it a home for the two of us. When I got out of the hospital she'd left all my things at my own apartment so I'd have a familiar place to come home to, but after a few days she announced to me “We're moving into an apartment together, I've already fixed it up. All you need are your clothes and personal items, the rest of this shit can go.” She sneered at my stuff, like it was what was making me crazy.

“Alice, and if I don't want to go? I don't want to live with my sister, that's just wrong.” I told her adamantly.

“You'll do it because I told you to. Right now you can't live on your own.” She bossed me around and I balked at her. Then she turned on the tears, fucking great. “I love you, Edward. I don't want to see you do that again, you need to have someone around. If it's not me, it's got to be someone, you can't live alone.” She was pleading for me to go with her, no matter what she said about someone else. Someone else wouldn't watch over me as well as she would. It was at that stage in my life Alice became my permanent babysitter, instead of a part-time one.

Alice had helped me more than I ever thought she could, even if she annoyed me often. When I wasn't at work, she always checked up on me if I was out or she was out. To most people that would be annoying as hell and it did get that way from time to time, but I knew I needed it. I also knew that if it wasn't for her I would be dead now.

Although I was angry when that man had done those things to me, I didn't get angry, truly angry, until I was much older. Once I started feeling guilt and shame and powerlessness, which is an odd thing to feel after killing someone, but I did, I wanted to get of this life. One day I found my anger, again it was a dream I had. The blonde blue-eyed boy haunted my dreams, it was the scared look on his face, the tears that streamed down and his calling out for his mommy that pissed me off. This time I was angry, and angrier than I ever had been. If I had been willing to kill myself over how I felt about what happened to me, what about him? He was younger and impressionable and innocent, he didn't deserve that. He deserved to be home with the family he was crying out for, to be hugged and loved by them, not living out this nightmare.

I was certain he'd killed himself by now, it was a surprise to see him in the hospital under my care. To find out he was Emmett's partner and he was gay like me was too good to be true. Of course it was, he did try to kill himself or I might never have met him, might never have found out what happened to the boy. I felt both ecstatic and depressed over those facts.

Coming back where I was, at the hospital, still with the living, breathing Jasper I whispered “Jasper? What are you doing awake?”

Jasper held his hand out for me to take, for the first time. I wondered if he really touched anyone else. If he could get past this he would be someone that liked touching and being touched, I was sure of it. Knowing what a huge step that was for him I smiled and squeezed his hand back. Jasper eventually relaxed and fell back to sleep and I watched him, for the first time in his dreaming he had a slight smile on his face.

Waking up I scrubbed my face with my hands and said “I'll be right back, Jasper.” Getting up to go to the small bathroom I washed my face trying to wake it up. My hair....? Honestly it didn't look any different than it had three days ago and fixed, so I just didn't bother. I smiled when I pulled out the toothbrush Angela had given to me.

Hearing Bella's voice in the room I stiffened. She could help Jasper, but not if he didn't want it from her. Besides, I think we'd made more progress than she ever could with him alone. Jasper still wasn't going to speak to her, so I came back into the room. Jasper was staring at the ceiling until I was back at his side, he had seemed pissed off, but got calmer the closer I was to him. Should I be making him calm though? That might end up being a crutch of some kind to him if I stayed in his life. Pissed off and angry, that he could really use right now to get better. I knew from experience you couldn't skip that step, it must come.

Bella looked back and forth between the two of us before she spoke again, this time to me. “Dr. Cullen, will Jasper be able to be moved now?” She questioned.

I knew what she meant. She wanted to know if he was not just well enough physically, but was he well enough mentally. “Physically, yes.” Was my answer. His wounds had begun to heal and would be fine as long as he didn't make anymore. If he went home now he'd cut himself or kill himself, I had no doubt about that. He was getting better, but as soon as isolation came... it would all be over for him.

“Okay. Jasper, I will be moving you later today.” Bella stated.

“Moving me where?” Jasper asked her.

“Well, there aren't any beds in the psych ward here, and I don't think you'd be comfortable there either.” She explained in what she probably thought was a soothing tone. Her eyes glanced over to mine to make sure I was okay with this. I wouldn't be able to see him in the psych hospital at all, no one would, other than family, a family he didn't have right now.

“So where the hell am I going then? Can I go home?” He demanded to know.

“Jasper, I have privileges at the psych hospital across the street. I want you to go there.” Bella answered.

“You want me to?” Jasper asked, he was quick on the uptake there. “You aren't going to make me?”

“No, I can't make you without a court order, and if I do that it'll take longer for you to get out. If you volunteer yourself you won't have to stay as long.” She explained, pleading with him. Bella drove me up the fucking walls, but I know she usually meant well. Although meaning well sometimes wasn't enough.

Hearing Jasper's sigh I looked at him and saw the struggle running around in his head. He wanted to go home, but he wanted to get better too. Making a decision I said “You've come so far, Jasper. Please go, it will help you. It will get you a little further from where you are.” He would be better, but by no means entirely well. I didn't think he ever would be, I wasn't.

Jasper's eyes clamped shut as something went through his mind and he began to take deep breaths. My fingers brushed his cheek. I hadn't noticed they were moving until I felt his warm skin against them, warm, not cold and dead. Jasper jumped at my touch, but I only looked on in concern when he opened his eyes. I wasn't about to move my hand now, somehow I knew that's where it should be.

“Yes, I'll go.” Jasper agreed and I let out a sigh of relief the same time Bella did.

Bella stood and said “I'll get the orders ready to move you later this afternoon.”

When she left I asked “Are you okay?”

Letting out a shaky “Yes,” he turned his head and kissed the palm of my hand. My breathing hitched. I didn't know what to say or do. He was my patient still at the moment, so this couldn't go any further. What I was struggling with more was that he actually liked me. I knew he was attracted to me, yes, but just because you found someone attractive it didn't mean you wanted more from that person.

Jasper looked panicked as I hadn't said a word to him and sat up, as though he was going to run away. “Where are you going?” I asked him softly.

Tears sprang to his eyes and my heart broke for him a little more. He thought I didn't want him. I'd have to remedy that and fast, I couldn't wait to see what a more healed Jasper would be like. “Jasper... I like you...” My voice cracked on the words. “But... you are my patient and I'm your doctor. Nothing can happen while I'm still your doctor.” The tears that were in his eyes began to flow, but he looked happy now. I wasn't rejecting him, just that this wasn't the right time and he needed to get better, better for himself, for his life, for everyone that would be in his future.

Letting out a laugh he asked “It's a good thing Dr. Swan is moving me today then, isn't it?” He looked high when he said that.

Smiling at him I answered “Yes, it's a good thing. You are going to get better in there, Jasper.” Then I leaned down and whispered “If you don't I'll kick your ass and bring Emmett for reinforcements.” He laughed as at that exact same time the huge giant stepped into the room, Alice following behind. Jasper's laughter was giddy and silly and came as a complete shock to everyone in the room. What was he thinking?

He smiled at Emmett and my sister before he grabbed my hand himself and held it close. Alice didn't have any reaction much to it on the outside, inside I knew she could barely contain herself. Emmett's eyes were wide and he shouted so loud the whole floor probably heard “Holy shit.” Then I watched him swing Alice around, he was ecstatic.

“Emmett, what the fuck is wrong with you? Put Alice down.” Jasper demanded.

“I just... I never thought my two favorite gay men would actually like each other, especially not with....” He trailed off the ending. No Emmett, seriously, don't mention that right now. The mood got heavy again and I didn't like it, it'd been heavy enough. I wanted lighter, I needed it and so did Jasper.

In my attempt to lighten the mood I shot back “Two favorite gay men? Aren't we the only gay men you know?”

Emmett laughed his booming laugh and answered “Yeah, but you'd still be my favorite if I knew anyone else. I've tried to set him up with some people.” He said pointing at Jasper, which actually pissed me off. “But, I knew they'd never work, I just thought he needed a good fuck to get him out of his funk.”

Jasper's mouth gaped open “You didn't think any of the dozens of people you tried to set me up with would work?” Jealousy reared its ugly head at that. Did he actually go out with all those people?

He shook his head no. “I really wanted it to work out with you and Eddie, but... I'm close to both of you, so if it didn't work out, then I'd be fucked. Good thing it's your faults you met and not mine.” He ended that glaring at Jasper. He would never let Jasper forget the way he found him, if he'd known about me... he would never have left me alone and frankly I'd rather deal with Alice. She said less stupid shit.

Strange Desire: Chapter Twenty

Strange Desire: Chapter Twenty

AN: So I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, after reading it you'll realize why I didn't put it in the last one, it'd make it to too long. Thanks for all the other writer's that did WC'ing with me, it really helped me push this one out, as well my other slash story. Thank you to JessDS for this idea three weeks ago, it just took that long to make it work. I hope I did you proud.

Characters belong to SM

JPOV

My eyes snapped open as fear gripped me, my heart racing. The dream I had was fading fast, I barely remembered what happened, except that I lost Edward in it. Looking at Edward still sound asleep and looking for all the world at peace I was angry. How the hell I managed to keep myself as calm as I did when Edward wanted to leave me I didn't know. The entire time fury under-laid everything I did and said, but I held it in check. Somehow I knew if I lost it, then I'd lose him forever. That was just not happening. He was supposed to be with me, deep down no one could tell me otherwise.

Today I was going to make him pay for that. He would be at my mercy, begging for me. I wasn't going to let him forget how much he wanted me, how much he loved me. The fucker thought I'd actually be better off without him, what a joke. I knew I wouldn't be, knew I never would have been okay without him in my life, even if I wasn't fully aware of it growing up.

Watching him sleep I drank all of him in. Starting at the top of his head I took note of his tousled bronze hair that wouldn't look any better even if he combed it. His brow was smooth and at rest instead of worried, his eyes closed, showing his bronze eyelashes. I really wished I could see the green of his eyes. Edward's nose was slightly crooked, I think from when his father hit him, it wasn't like that before. Swallowing back the bile at the thought of his father and how much he messed Edward up, I pushed the thought away and continued taking him in. His pink lips were parted as though they wanted to be kissed. Deciding that's exactly what I was going to do I pressed my body against his feeling his morning wood against my own.

Edward stirred awake as I pressed my lips to his. Becoming more awake he deepened the kiss, our tongues swirling and dancing together. Groaning he pulled away and opened his eyes, I finally got to see the green I missed. Giving me a lopsided smile he asked “Can I wake up like that every day?”

Smiling back at him I popped off “Sure, anything you want.”

Grinning at me widely he questioned “Anything?”

Snorting at him I said “Within reason.”

“I want to fuck you.” He said almost laughing, he knew I wasn't going to cave like that.

“Yeah? We both know that won't be happening this morning, but you will be begging me to fuck you.” I stated flipping him onto his back and straddling his waist. Now he was laughing, the vibration made me groan. Edward turned us over so I was on my back and I immediately hissed and flipped us back. My back was still sore and even if it wasn't he wasn't going to get the upper-hand, this was my day to fuck with him and I was going to fuck him senseless.

Encircling both his wrists I placed his arms above his head. Giving him a stern look I told him “You will want me so much you will forget you wanted to throw me away yesterday.” Yeah, I was still pissed off about that.

Opening his mouth to speak I covered it with mine, I didn't want to hear it, although I was sure he'd tell me anyway, the fucker. I was right. Instead of kissing me he tried to speak around my lips “I wasn't throwing you away.” That's what he said, but it came out all mumbled.

Pulling away I narrowed my eyes at him and asked “Are you sure you want to bring that up?”

Nodding his head at me he answered “Yes. Don't ever think I'd throw you away, Jazz. I love you. I just wanted you to have what was best for you.”

“Edward, I know what's best for me. You. Now let me show you what's best for you.” I grinned wickedly trying to change the subject, Edward groaned. I didn't like all that sappy shit, it embarrassed me to say or hear it. The only reason I managed to push it past my lips was I knew he did.

Starting at the top of his head I kissed his hair, resuming what I'd been doing before he woke up, only adding my lips to every place I looked. Moving down I kissed his forehead, between his brows, and each of his eyelids as they fluttered closed. My lips pressed against the slight crook in it and I tried hard not to think of how he'd gotten that. His eyes opened and his lips parted wanting to taste each other, complying I wound my tongue around his before pulling back. Kissing his chin I nipped his jaw feeling the stubble there. Tilting his head back I sucked on his Adam's apple. My lips continued their descent down the center of his body. Nipping, kissing, and sucking down the center of his chest I scoot down to keep going down his stomach, to that trail of bronze hair. Skipping his erect cock my lips sucked on his hip bone and down to the sensitive skin of his inner thigh on his left leg. “Jazz, please, I can't take this anymore. I'm begging you to fuck me.” Edward grunted out.

“No, I don't think I will right now.” I told him going back to his leg and working down it, my hands following the outside of his legs. He groaned at me as I kept going and picked up his foot kissing the bottom of it. Edward tried to jerk it away, but I held firm and smiled before putting it down and picking up the other one. Kissing the bottom of his right foot he squirmed, but he didn't jerk it away this time. Carrying on my lips worked over the inside of his right leg, sucking as I went.

Between his legs I looked up to see Edward on his elbows watching me. “Please...” He pleaded. Not yet, he was going to earn it, besides this was amusing that I had that much power over him. Pushing his ass cheeks apart with my hand I licked the crack of his ass, poking my tongue through the tight ring of muscle. He still tasted like soap from our shower the night before. Edward's hands ended up in my hair tugging at it, but I removed them as I licked up the underneath side of his cock, ending in a swirl around the head and me sucking just the head a few times before I pulled back completely and grinning. “No... Jazz, please. I want you now, please...” Ignoring his pleas I put one arm behind his back and thread my other hand through his hair, bringing his head closer to me and crashed my lips to his. Kissing him hard and hungrily I pulled back and let him go, letting him drop to the mattress and bounce. He glared at me and I laughed slapping his thigh.

Getting off the bed I went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Looking at myself in the mirror reminded me of Edward trying to make me more comfortable being taken from behind. My biggest problem with fucking him or being fucked by him that way wasn't the position, because damn it felt good, it was the connection. When all I could see was nothing or all I could see was the expanse of his back, it could be anyone I was fucking or being fucked by. I wasn't attracted to random men, I was attracted solely to Edward and needed to be reminded of that fact. However, if Edward liked it and bent over backwards trying to make me enjoy it too I would try harder, try to remember that it was Edward. This morning I planned on taking him that way, I just hoped he'd let me know just exactly who it was I was fucking, otherwise I didn't think I would get off. Yes, I would make an effort, if he didn't murder me first for teasing him relentlessly.

Walking out of the bathroom Edward was still glaring at me. Chuckling I picked up his hand and pulled him up to me, pressing our bare bodies together. “Get dressed, don't shave.” I commanded and slapped him on the ass. He was going to listen to me today. Shuffling off to the bathroom he gave me a dirty look, I called out “No touching yourself either, you're mine this morning.” I could hear a groan and a murmured 'asshole'.

“Yeah, I am. So are you.” I shot back. Glancing down at my own morning wood I told my erection “Don't worry, you'll get to play later. I promise.” Then I laughed at myself and shook my head, that was idiotic.

Rummaging through our bag I found Edward's favorite pair of jeans on me. I saved them just in case I was going to need to do some serious groveling. Putting those on I knew he wouldn't be able to resist looking at my ass in them, something he wasn't getting today. Snorting at myself I knew I was being evil, but I was having fun toying with him. Finding my tight light blue t-shirt I pulled that over my head, I knew that color made my eyes bluer, I also knew it was tight enough to show off my chest. Edward wouldn't know what hit him when he saw me.

Picking out some socks I didn't put them on just yet and walked down the stairs without him. If he saw me in here he would probably attack me before we got out the door. I was happy I didn't have to wear monkey suits the rest of the summer unless I absolutely wanted to, but as I wasn't teaching this summer they weren't necessary. That thought made me relax. Edward had insisted every single one of my suits was tailored to perfection. He claimed it made people look ridiculous or unintelligent when they wore suits that didn't fit well. Looking back on it I think he just wanted a better view of my ass in them, the sneaky bastard.

In the kitchen I found my parents sitting at the table talking quietly and eating breakfast. My mom gave me a smile that I was not comfortable with, but I wasn't sure why. Skirting around them I went to get a plate and grab my own breakfast before joining them. “So what do you have planned for today?” My mom asked me.

“Uh...” What do I say? What if she wanted us to stay here and spend time with her before we left.

“I have some appointments today and your father has to go to the hospital, so I won't get to see you until late this afternoon. Maybe we can have a late lunch before you boys leave. It's supposed to rain on your way home, but it's not this morning, just cloudy.” My mom babbled making me wonder what was wrong with her.

Right then Edward came into the kitchen looking irritable and grabbed his own plate. Sitting beside me he gasped as he noticed the jeans I was wearing. Leaning into me he whispered “Are you trying to embarrass me in front of your parents.” I shrugged, maybe I was.

Whispering back I said “You embarrassed me in front of strangers.” I thought back to our first time having dinner with Emmett and Rosalie. I was surprised they ever came back.

“Yeah, but they could have just walked away, these are your parents.” He shot back in a hush.

“It's all part of my fun, Edward. I will have fun with you today.” I said in his ear before nipping it.

“Boys, I hate to interrupt, but I need to talk to Jasper.” My mother told me. Sure she hated to interrupt. Uh huh, I wouldn't believe that in a million years. Standing up she walked out of the kitchen and I followed her. Edward let out a loud groan behind me as I walked away from him. Turning my head to look at him his face was red and his eyes wide as he shot glances at my father, who had his nose in the paper he just opened pointedly ignoring the sound.

Finding my mom in the entry hall, she was standing there with a backpack in her hands. Narrowing my eyes at her I wondered how much she knew about today. “What's this for?” I asked pointing at the backpack.

She gave me a nervous smile and said “I thought you could use this today. I've already put the things in it I think you'll need for this morning.”

Crossing my arms over my chest I demanded “How do you know what we are doing today?”

Chuckling she responded “I accidentally overheard you yesterday.” At the look on my face and the explosion that was surely going to come she rushed out “I was only going to tell you dinner was ready, but then I heard you talking and thought I should probably stay out of it, you'd come to the table when you were ready.”

Taking some calming breaths I said “Okay, but what is this for? I think I could have done that myself.”

Shrugging at me she answered “I just wanted to show my support.”

“Mom, you already have. Accepting us is enough, this is just creepy.” I told her looking at the backpack. What the hell was in it?

“Fair enough. Here, take it anyway.” She said shoving it into my chest. “There is food at the bottom in case you get hungry.” My mom told me as she began to walk away. Wondering what the hell she had put in it I unzipped it. There was a blanket in it, but even more disturbing was on top in plain sight she had put a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. My face was hot, it couldn't possibly get even hotter or redder than it probably was. This was taking acceptance a little too far. Her voice floated back to me as I stood there stunned “That lube is messier than some of the others, but you don't have to use as much of it. Don't drop it.” Oh my god, I didn't even want to know how my mom knew that. This was probably going to be on my list of most embarrassing moments, ever. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Closing my eyes I tried to will the blood away from my face and neck. If I thought about this anymore there was no way I'd be able to be with Edward.

Edward padded into the entry hall with me a few minutes later, I still hadn't moved. My mouth was gaped open in shock when he saw me. His hand pushed my chin up making my teeth clack together, bringing me out of it. “What's wrong?” He asked concerned, I just pushed the backpack into his arms, it was still open. Looking down he choked and stuttered out “Wh... what?” Yes, that was intelligent, that's what would be coming out of my mouth if I could speak at all.

Shaking my head I zipped it closed, hiding it and hoping I wouldn't think of my parents when we pulled any of this stuff out. Taking it from Edward I placed the backpack on the floor and sat down to put my socks and shoes on, so did Edward. I couldn't even tell my father goodbye before he left, I couldn't face either of my parents right now. “Let's go.” I said picking up the backpack, but Edward shook his head at me and took it instead.

He was looking at my ass appreciatively and clearly wanted me to walk in front of him. Snorting I opened the front door, he could look all he wanted, my plan for him to beg me to fuck him was still in place. I would fuck him this morning and make him beg and plead for it. The fucker deserved every single thing I did to torture him, after trying to dump my ass because he thought I'd be better off. He was lucky I didn't punch him in the face, because I really wanted to.

Leading the way down the stairs and out to the trail that lead to the clearing Edward followed closely behind, not speaking. The trail here wasn't as clear as when we made it as kids, but it was clear enough. We had to step high over some plants and fallen logs in the way, but we made it. The clearing was still there, the grass tall and flowers still in bloom, a slight breeze was in the air. I remembered coming here with Edward when he wanted to get away from it all, away from his parents, more importantly, away from his father. We'd lay in the grass and look at the clouds or if it was late enough and not too cloudy sometimes the stars. It was in here that we told our deepest, darkest secrets, ones we didn't want anyone else to know. “Edward?” I asked softly.

“Yeah, Jazz?” He asked stepping in front of me and dropping the backpack.

“Why didn't you tell me you were bi here? You could have.” I told him.

Biting his lip he looked away and back at me. “You know I couldn't, you still wouldn't know if you hadn't walked in on me watching gay porn on accident.” Smiling at him I kissed the lip he was biting until he let go of it. No, he wouldn't have told me. I was grateful now that I'd walked in on that as it lead us down this path, the path where I was happier than I'd ever been. No longer was I fighting and denying and pretending that I loved Edward, that I wanted him as my lover.

Attaching his lips to mine he walked us backwards until my back hit a tree. Jumping away from it, as my back still hadn't fully recovered, I stepped out from the tree and turned him around. Pushing him into it I pressed my body fully against his. “Edward, don't forget I'm making you beg. I need to know you want me, I need to hear it.” Groaning at me his eyes closed before he opened them, I noticed the green had darkened a little. Good. Licking the shell of his ear I tugged at it with my teeth and felt his arms wrap around my waist. One of his hands slid down to my ass squeezing my left cheek, kneading it.

Exhaling I kissed the soft skin of his neck before going up to his jaw, the jaw I told him to leave his stubble on. I wanted to feel that on me. His eyes took in my chest before he tore my shirt off in one swift move. I stood there in shock, not expecting to feel the rush of air on my skin. Fuck. Pulling me closer to him his lips found purchase on my neck, leaving bite marks across it. Damn, it was a good thing I didn't have classes this summer. Edward's tongue swept across my left nipple before he ran his stubble across it, which was the whole reason I didn't want him to shave today. Growling at him he did it again before going to the other side. His pink tongue darted out circling the nipple before sucking it between his teeth, then he ran his stubble along that nipple too. My growl was so loud that the birds scattered.

Stepping back I pushed his shoulders back so he would break his hold on me, I was in control here, at least for right now. Edward's eyes were hooded as he took in my bare chest. Looking him up and down I stepped further back and commanded “Strip, slowly.” His brows raised in surprise, but I was impatient. “Now.” There goes my demand for him to be patient and beg if I couldn't be.

His hands were at the hem of his shirt tugging it up, and I watched as he was slowly revealed to my eyes. The bronze trail of hair on his stomach demanded my attention. Reaching my hand out I ran my fingers across it, feeling the softness. He raised his shirt a little more and my hand followed up his abs and chest before he pulled his shirt completely off. Both of my hands raised to his chest tracing the muscles there. Running my hands down his arms my lips met his and I sucked his bottom one between my teeth. Edward's head lolled back and my lips trailed down his neck to his chest across to his right nipple. Moaning at me, I kept going down his side kissing his ribs and just like this morning did the same thing on the other side in the opposite direction. His breathing was heavy as my mouth closed in on his again, warm breath fanned into my mouth and I shivered wanting him.

My hands started to unbutton his jeans, but his hands clamped down on mine. “What do you think you're doing?” He asked, his brow furrowing. Bewildered, I didn't know why he would stop me. Hasn't he been begging me all morning to fuck him? “I thought you wanted me to strip for you.” Oh, that's right, I did. Shaking my head to clear it I stepped back from him and watched as his own hands unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. He raised his eyes to me and slowly, so slowly I thought I might kill him he pushed his jeans down, taking his boxers with him. Letting them drop to the ground he toed his shoes off and pulled off the jeans and boxers and socks. God, he was gorgeous. I know we'd been together before outside, but it wasn't the same, I could see all of him this time. This was... he was beautiful, the natural light illuminating every curve of his body, every tiny scar he might have gotten, most of which I could remember him getting doing something with me.

Toeing off my own shoes and removing my socks I felt the soft grass and earth beneath my feet. Leaving my jeans on I circled his body taking in every inch of him. My hand caressed his ass as I made my way back to his front. Without hesitation I dropped to my knees and took his erect cock in my mouth, tasting the pre-cum that had gathered there. I pressed my tongue against his cock as I bobbed my head up and down his length. Edward's hands thread through my hair and he let fall a whispered “Fuck.” That wasn't good enough, I wanted him begging for me. Letting his cock go I began stroking it as my mouth sucked on his balls. Rolling them across my tongue first I began sucking on them loving the soft feel in my mouth. Looking up at Edward his eyes were dark and his breathing was becoming labored. That was better. With my left hand wrapped firmly around his cock stroking it, I reached up with my right. He took my fingers into his mouth sucking on them making me wish he was sucking on my own cock instead. Today wasn't about that though, today was about him begging me, wanting me, I never wanted to hear him say he was going to leave me again. Turning my body I let go of his balls and kissed along his hip and side as I pushed a finger into his ass. Slowly I pumped my finger inside him before adding a second. Biting his ass Edward groaned out “Fuck.” Removing my hands and lips from his body I stood up. He wasn't begging me to fuck him, so I wouldn't.

Turning away from him I walked to the backpack and bent over. The next thing I knew Edward's arms were wrapped around my waist and his cock was against my ass, I could feel him even through my jeans. Groaning I stood up and he breathed in my ear “Where did you think you were going? I thought you wanted to fuck me. God knows I've been waiting all damn morning for it.”

“You must not want it that much, you aren't begging for it.” I said turning in his arms.

Snorting at me he said “I actually forgot all words except fuck.” I laughed and he smiled. “Please fuck me, Jazz. I want to feel your hard cock inside me.”

Turning back around I bent over to the backpack again and pressed my ass against his cock, wiggling it. “Jazz, if you don't stop that I will take you instead.”

Looking back at him I teased “Maybe later.” Pulling out the bottle of lube and the condoms I set them on the ground before getting out the blanket. Spreading it out in the center of the small clearing I sat down and tilted my head watching his naked body move towards me. Sitting beside me he put the lube and condoms next to him.

Pushing him onto his back I straddled his waist like I did this morning and asked “Do you want me to fuck you?”

He groaned out “Fuck, yes.” His hands went to the button of my jeans undoing it and unzipping the fly. He gasped when my cock sprang free, I had chosen to go commando. As he pushed down my jeans with one hand the other touched my cock making it harder. I let out a groan.

Kicking the jeans off I settled between his legs. If that lube was really that slick I thought I'd better put the condom on first. Opening the new box I pulled it one out and tore the package open. Rolling it down my cock I pumped it a few times before deciding to open the lube. It didn't take much as I poured it into my hand and ran my hand over my cock, coating it. That stuff was slick, and messy, I had to hurriedly close the lid. Spreading Edward's thighs apart I pushed them up, opening him up to me. Spreading the lube along the crack of his ass I pushed a finger into him, quickly followed by the second. He groaned and said “Fuck... please... I need you.” Entering a third finger in him slowly I began thrusting them in him and he breathed out a ragged “Fuck.... Jazz...”

Removing my fingers from his ass I commanded “On your knees.”

Edward's eyes were huge as he let out a shocked “What?”

“You heard me, on your knees. Do it before I change my mind.” I demanded. He was hesitant as he got on his knees. Running my hand over his ass I spread his cheeks apart as I pressed my head against his entrance. “Do you want me? You have to tell me.” This was more a plea than a command, I needed to hear it in this position.

“Yes. Jazz, I always want you, in any way you're willing to give.” He said with his head turned looking back at me. That's what I needed to hear, to hear it was okay if I couldn't continue with this this way. Taking a steadying breath I pushed the head of my cock past the tight ring of muscle. “More, please.” Edward begged, so I slid further in, my cock becoming harder at the feel of his tight heat around it. Buried in him I pulled back and slid back in, slowly at first. “Jazz, fuck me harder.” He implored. Putting my hands on his hips my fingers dug into them as I began thrusting harder. Edward leaned forward on his arms changing his position and thrust his own hips back at me. I couldn't hear the sounds of nature around us anymore, all I could hear was the slapping of our skin. “I'm so close...” Edward moaned out and I slowed my pace, I wasn't ready for him to come yet. Getting back on all fours he sat up and turned his head to mine. Placing a hand behind my head he kissed me thoroughly, letting me know exactly who I was fucking. My moans filled the air at that. He bent forward and was back on his arms in no time as he thrust against me again “Fuck me hard, Jazz. I want to know how much I'd miss you, so I won't do anything stupid again.” Thrusting into him I slammed into his ass hard, he'd remember this alright. The sounds of skin on skin and moans filled my head, clouding everything else. Edward's hand reached down to stroke his cock, but he didn't seem to be stroking it very hard or fast. The pace he was thrusting his ass against me was though. “Jazz, I... come... soon...” The words were barely intelligible.

Stretching out one hand I turned his head towards me so I could see him. I needed to see him if we were going to get off anywhere close to the same time. He smiled at me, a light sheen of sweat was on his face. Placing my hand on his side I continued my thrusts watching him, watching the sheer joy on his face. Edward placed both his hands flat in front of him, but stayed with his head turned. Closing his eyes, obscuring the green, his pants were loud. The muscles in his back flexed and contracted as I watched him thrust back into me. He felt so good around my cock that I wasn't going to be able to hold off much more. “Edward, come for me, please... so close...” Now I was begging.

“Fuck... Jazz...” He moaned out as we both thrust faster. What I noticed the most was he didn't touch his own cock again. His face turned as though he was in pain and pleasure. “I'm gonna... cum...” He breathed out right before he shot his load on the blanket we were on and his stomach.

His walls closed tight around me and I slowed my pace as he came down from his high only to pick it back up again. My entire body shuddered as I let go, unable to hold it anymore. My cum filled the condom, making Edward feel even warmer than he already was. With legs trembling I kissed his back and up to his shoulders before even attempting to pull out of him. Taking the condom with me I pulled out of Edward and collapsed beside him. Satisfied I looked at Edward, he had a pleasant, at peace expression on his face, that made me feel good. We laid there for a few minutes not speaking, just catching our breaths.

Eventually I had to get up though, I wondered what the hell I was supposed to do with this condom. Removing it from my cock I went to the backpack and rifled through it. Groaning I pulled out a Ziploc bag and some wet wipes. My mother had entirely too much time on her hands if she put all of that in here, not that I wasn't grateful, just grossed out. Placing the condom in the Ziploc bag I took the wet wipes over to Edward and cleaned off his stomach and his ass. I put all of that in the Ziploc too and closed it off.

Trying not to think about anyone but Edward I went back to his side and pulled him close to me. He was what was important. Kissing him softly I sighed into his mouth. We let the breeze cool our bodies, removing the sweat. Facing each other I stared into his eyes, hoping to convey what I felt for him, the love I felt, something I know he didn't always get from me. Neither one of us spoke for so long that both of us drifted into sleep. The warmth of the sun and the contentment and satisfaction of our love made us both lazy and relaxed enough that sleep was inevitable.

Edward's lips were on my neck waking me, bringing back to the day, to the fact that we were outside. Sitting up abruptly I nearly shouted “Fuck.”

Frowning at me Edward asked “What is your problem?”

How the hell did I forget someone was taking pictures of us? Shit, shit, shit. No, please I didn't want to see those. Well, maybe I did, but I didn't want other people to. Gathering my clothes I began snatching them up before Edward wrapped his arms around me, trapping me. “Let me go.” I demanded loudly.

“No. Calm down, Jazz. If you're worried about people following us with a camera then they've already got plenty of us, so please, just calm down. Please don't hide yourself from me.” Edward both soothed and plead at the same time. Taking a few deep breaths I calmed my racing heart and turned around in his arms. Searching his eyes alone I tried to let the rest of the world fall away. He kissed me making me forget, forget everything but him.

Backing away from me Edward started to gather his own things, but he didn't put them on. “What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Moving.” He stated gathering up the blanket and backpack in his arms too. I took the backpack from him and picked up my own clothes. Where the hell were we moving to and like this?

Stepping through the stand of trees surrounding the clearing on the other side there was a small stream there. I had completely forgotten its existence. Edward set his clothes aside and spread the blanket next to the stream's bank. Taking the clothes from my arms he set them with his and grabbed the backpack setting it on the blanket. “Come here, Jazz.” Edward said sitting down and patting a spot beside him.

Sitting down close enough to him that our shoulders touched Edward started removing what was left in the backpack. Apparently my mother had thought to put a small insulated cooler in there. What the fuck kind of food did she put in it? Edward opened it up and pulled out normal looking stuff. Sandwiches, some cut up vegetables, bottles of water, and cut up pineapple. When Edward got to the pineapple I could feel his shoulders shaking against mine. What the fuck was so funny?

Moving so I was in front of him I heard him chuckle, so hard I wasn't sure he could even answer me. “What's so funny?” I asked.

He was still looking at the pineapple in his hand and back at me. His laughter was uncontrollable and he ended up on his side attempting to take in air.

Snatching the pineapple from him I couldn't figure out why that was funny. Was I missing something?

Finally pulling in lungfuls of air Edward retorted “You mean you don't know?” I shook my head, should I?

Taking mercy on me Edward answered “Pineapple is supposed to make your cum taste better.” My mouth dropped open.

“Wh... what?” I stuttered out.

“Yeah, and I bet you anything your mom knew that when she packed this too.” Edward stated laughing hard again, the fucker. Yeah, my mom definitely had entirely too much invested in our relationship, more than I thought was healthy.

AN: Anyone mad at me for ending it there? Haha.

Scars and Nigthmares: Chapter Twenty-one

Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Twenty-one

AN: Thanks to all of you for WC'ing with me on this and SD. I wouldn't have gotten them out in the time I did without you.

Characters belong to SM, sad story is mine and many of yours.

JPOV

Waking up again, with the morning and the bustle of the hospital around me, I wondered when I was going to get out of here. Edward stirred and scrubbed his face with his hands. “I'll be right back, Jasper.” He said as he got up and went to the small bathroom. Shouldn't he have a locker here somewhere in the hospital? Had he even been there or did he spend all his extra time with me?

“Jasper?” Dr. Swan called walking into my room. I groaned, I didn't want to see her anymore. She took the seat and asked “Are you going to talk to me today?”

Keeping my mouth firmly clamped shut I stared at the ceiling. The only thing that brought me out of that was Edward walking back into the room. Seeing him made me feel calm somehow.

Dr. Swan looked back and forth between the two of us before she spoke again, this time to Edward. “Dr. Cullen, will Jasper be able to be moved now?” She questioned. Moved? Where was I going? Were they going to send me to the psych ward? God, I didn't want to go there. Right now the only place I wanted to be was home. Jasper, who are you kidding? You don't want to go home and you know it. That place is depressing and you'll end up back in here again.

Edward walked over to me and looked over my wounds thoroughly. His answer to her was cryptic “Physically, yes.” What did that mean? I wasn't mentally ready to go? I knew I wasn't ready to go home, but wasn't I ready to move on so they could examine my head? I snorted to myself at that, I wouldn't even let Dr. Swan examine it.

“Okay. Jasper, I will be moving you later today.” Dr. Swan stated.

“Moving me where?” I asked her, well aware that those were probably the most words I'd said to her.

“Well, there aren't any beds in the psych ward here, and I don't think you'd be comfortable there either.” She explained in what she probably thought was a soothing tone. Her eyes glanced over to Edward's as though she was asking his permission to take me away. Weird.

“So where the hell am I going then? Can I go home?” I demanded to know.

“Jasper, I have privileges at the psych hospital across the street. I want you to go there.” Dr. Swan answered.

“You want me to?” I caught onto that quickly. “You aren't going to make me?”

“No, I can't make you without a court order, and if I do that it'll take longer for you to get out. If you volunteer yourself you won't have to stay as long.” She explained, pleading with me to go on my own.

Sighing I ran that thought around in my head. I didn't want to be away from Edward, I didn't want to go home, but how was I supposed to get better? If I go home now, I know for certain that I would end it. Trying to break the hold the man had on me was the first step, but I would slip easily and let him drag me into hell with him. I know I would, and I would succeed in ending it this time.

Edward spoke beside me “You've come so far, Jasper. Please go, it will help you. It will get you a little further from where you are.” I noticed he didn't say well, just further. Sighing, it would have to do. Baby... god, no, not baby. Don't even say that word in your mind, Jasper. You know what it does to you. Small steps would have to do for now. Clamping my eyes shut I tried to take deep breaths, to get that word out of my head. Fingers brushed my cheek and I jumped in shock, but I forgot what had gotten me going. Opening my eyes I was staring at Edward before me, looking on in concern.

His eyes, the green, I watched them, remembered their burn from when he was twelve. Yes, I'd go, I'd get better. I would become as strong as I could be. That man would go down in my mind, I would tackle him until he couldn't hold me any longer. “Yes, I'll go.” I agreed and both Edward and Dr. Swan breathed sighs of relief.

Dr. Swan stood and said “I'll get the orders ready to move you later this afternoon.” Then I watched her walk out the door.

Edward asked “Are you okay?” He was still standing beside the bed, his hand hadn't moved from my face and I hadn't flinched other than the initial startled reaction. I really was becoming more relaxed around him. Would he want anything to do with me once I was out? I felt the connection, but did he? I had no idea. Should he? What if I couldn't get better? Then what would happen to him? That thought depressed me. I had to get better, I had to. He didn't deserve anymore horror in his life just as I didn't.

Unable to resist and really wanting to know his reaction I let out a shaky “Yes,” then I turned my head and kissed the palm of his hand. This was my last day here and I had to know if there was any hope of anything beyond our pasts. Edward's breathing hitched, he didn't remove his hand, but he didn't say anything either.

Starting to panic I sat up before Edward pushed me back on my shoulder. “Where are you going?” He asked me softly, afraid to frighten me.

Tears sprang to my eyes, who would want me? I was broken. All I brought to the table were nightmares and the hideous scars that man had given me whether it was by his own hand or by his fucking with my mind. “Jasper... I like you...” Edward's voice cracked on those words. “But... you are my patient and I'm your doctor. Nothing can happen while I'm still your doctor.” The words slowly sunk in and the tears that flowed were happy. He liked me? My heart beat a little faster at the thought.

I felt like I was flying. That wasn't normal. I never felt like that with anyone else, so why would I start now? Letting out a laugh I asked “It's a good thing Dr. Swan is moving me today then, isn't it?” I could hug the bitch right now.

He smiled at me surprised at my reaction and answered “Yes, it's a good thing. You are going to get better in there, Jasper.” Then he leaned down and whispered “If you don't I'll kick your ass and bring Emmett for reinforcements.” I laughed as at that exact same time the huge giant stepped into the room. Alice came in with him looking almost as tiny as smurf next to him. At that though I couldn't stop the giddy laughter that flowed from my mouth. Holy crap, it'd been a long time since I'd laughed that hard or felt that free. Free. I could be free. I would have to work my ass off for it, but that man's hold could be broken and I'd be free.

I smiled seeing Emmett, who was before now my only friend, and at Alice who I had no doubt would be my friend as well if I let her. Grabbing Edward's hand I held it close to me and watched as Alice's eyes looked knowing, and unsurprised. Emmett's, however, were wide as saucers and he shouted loudly “Holy shit.” Then I watched him swing Alice around, he was ecstatic. What the hell for?

“Emmett, what the fuck is wrong with you? Put Alice down.” I demanded.

“I just... I never thought my two favorite gay men would actually like each other, especially not with....” He trailed off the ending, I already knew what he was going to say and I wasn't going to respond to it.

Edward tried to turn the mood lighter again as he shot back “Two favorite gay men? Aren't we the only gay men you know?”

Emmett laughed his booming laugh and answered “Yeah, but you'd still be my favorite if I knew anyone else. I've tried to set him up with some people.” He said pointing at me. “But, I knew they'd never work, I just thought he needed a good fuck to get him out of his funk.”

My mouth gaped open “You didn't think any of the dozens of people you tried to set me up with would work?”

He shook his head no. “I really wanted it to work out with you and Eddie, but... I'm close to both of you, so if I didn't work out, then I'd be fucked. Good thing it's your faults you met and not mine.” He ended that glaring at me. Yeah, yeah.

Strange Desire: Chapter Nineteen

STRANGE DESIRE: CHAPTER NINETEEN

AN: Don't blame me for part of this chapter, the boys hijacked the story from me for a moment. I had no intention of writing part of this at all, but when I sat down they told me this is how it had to be. We went round and round about it.

For all of you that know the shit that's gone on in my RL, thanks for your support, I've really needed it.

Characters belong to SM, I've just borrowed the guys for my own amusement.

EPOV

Lying beside Jasper I watched him sleep, a contented soft smile on his face. My god, I loved my beautiful man. I don't think I could or would ever love anyone as much as him. Tracing a finger over his soft lips I watched as he sighed and smiled wider. Smiling to myself I knew I was the one that made him feel this way, the one that fucked him twice today. Well, I say I made love to him, he would say fucked. He never seemed all that comfortable with his emotions, which is why all this craziness messing with his mind had turned his head upside down.

Jasper was mine, he belonged to me and I knew that, but should he? He would never have the things in life he always thought he wanted. We wouldn't be allowed marriage, at least not for the time-being, so... would he be better off with someone he could marry? I was positive he wanted children even though he said he was okay without them. I didn't, never did. I couldn't fathom placing the same sort of shit on a child that my father did to me. Standing outside of my house today just drove that home more. All the negative memories of my father came back full-force and I do mean all of them. Maybe he'd be better off if I let him go, better off if he could live the life he thought he'd have, the life he should have.

Even though it hurt my heart to think about those things I wondered now if my head should have thought of them before we were ever together. He was beautiful, I loved him more than anything or anyone, but I would always hold him back, I knew that. I didn't want to let him go, but his mom brought home to me all the things that wouldn't be if we stayed together. I had to let him go. Could I do it? I didn't want to, but I would, he would have a happier life if we weren't together and he was free to be with a woman. I knew he wasn't likely to be with another man, but I suppose anything was possible.

Yes, I'd let him go. Today had been a good day, and I didn't want it to end badly. I'd tell him tomorrow before we went home, that way if he didn't want us to stay in the same apartment we could part ways then. Today, right now, I'd pretend everything was okay and we'd be fine. Tomorrow he could tell me to go to hell if that's what he wanted and I'd stick by whatever decision he made.

Opening his eyes to look at me Jasper asked sleepily “What's wrong with you?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked confused, I thought I'd hidden the way I felt a little better than that.

“Edward.... you aren't as good at pretending things as I am, so something is up, otherwise you wouldn't have that look on your face.” Jasper said pushing on my furrowed brow that I hadn't even realized was furrowed.

“It's nothing. We don't have to worry about it right now.” I said hoping he'd drop it.

Rolling me over he was straddling me and pushing my shoulders down into the mattress with his hands. “It's not nothing, I can tell.” Then Jasper gasped and sat up. I was busily trying to memorize the way he looked in my mind as we wouldn't be together any longer. Slapping the middle of my chest hard Jasper got out “You're breaking up with me, aren't you?”

I didn't want to say yes, but I didn't want to say no either as I didn't want to lie. “Are you stupid or something?” He shot at me angrily.

“No, I'm not stupid.” I was defensive.

Blowing out his breath he closed his eyes and it looked as though he was trying to calm himself down. “I won't accept it.” He stated calmly, flatly.

“What do you mean you won't accept it? If I do it, it's done.” I replied, he wasn't going to make this easy.

His blue eyes burned into mine as he said “If you didn't love me then I'd accept it, but you do. I know you do. That's what this is about, isn't it? You think you are doing the right thing by letting me go.” I said nothing, that is what I thought. Nodding his head at me he said “Okay, break up with me then, but I want to know all the reasons you think I'd be better off without you first.”

I didn't want to go over the reasons, I just wanted him to move on and be happy. Right now I was at a serious disadvantage in this position. Pushing Jasper off me, I sat up. Looking around for my boxers, jeans, anything, I finally spotted my boxers to put them on. I wasn't about to have this kind of conversation without any clothes on.

Jasper was trying to bore a hole through the back of my head I knew, I could feel it. About to put my foot in my boxers he grabbed them from me and threw them across the room. “No.” That was the only word he said, which surprised me. By this time I fully expected him to throw some sort of childish tantrum.

Blinking at him I wondered just why he would do that, wouldn't he feel better clothed? He seemed to be far more easily embarrassed about that sort of shit than I was. Looking at me intently, he was impatiently waiting for my answer. Crossing his arms across his chest after about ten minutes of me not speaking he said “You're stalling.” Fucking right I was stalling, he should just let it go, move on, be happy without me, he could be happier than with me. I'd just... well, I didn't know what I would do. Perhaps find someone else that I didn't feel like I was taking part of their life away, but that would be a long time in coming. I knew without a doubt I'd never love someone as much as Jasper, never. He'd been a part of my life too long.

Knowing I'd never be able to get out of the house without telling him I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Closing it I cleared my throat and tried again, still no words. Damn it. My head kept telling me he'd be happier without me as anything more than a friend, my heart was pissed off and shouting at me. I'd wanted Jasper for too long to give up now when I had him, when I never thought I would. Battling it out between each other I still tried to push words out of my mouth, any words.

Jasper raised a brow at me, still waiting. Opening my mouth again I made some sort of weird strangled noise and Jasper snorted at me. “You can't even tell me, I really don't think you want to break up with me.” He told me, his arms still crossed.

Angry now I knew I wanted to leave him, he'd be better off, so I finally found the words. “Jasper, I do think we should break up.” It was a statement and a clear one. Jasper's eyes narrowed and his jaw flexed, but he was still sitting there. I fully expected him to leave by now. Why couldn't I have figured this out a couple of days ago when he went off? Then it would be easy just to say that's why I didn't want him anymore. Fucking hell.

Releasing a long breath Jasper asked “And just what makes you think that?”

Looking away then down I answered “You won't be able to be fully happy with me.” Jasper looked at me in shock first before bursting into laughter.

“Happy? Are you insane? I am happy, happier than I have ever been.” He finally got out when the laughter subsided.

“No, that's not what I meant. I mean you should be happily married with kids, I'm sure you would be by now if I hadn't been around.” I explained my side of things. My guilt at taking those things away from him ate at me.

Eyes wide Jasper just stared right at me before he began ranting “What the fuck are you talking about? Damn it, damn it, damn it. This is because of my mother, isn't it? I knew she shouldn't have brought that stuff up.”

“Maybe she shouldn't, but they are things we needed to hear. I'm fully aware of what I'm giving up, but you I don't think are.” I really wanted him to understand and to let go, then again I didn't, part of me was still selfish.

Shaking his head at me he said “Edward, don't you think I thought about this stuff before? I'm not a complete idiot. I knew what I was getting myself into.” Opening my mouth to protest he placed a finger over my lips commanding my silence. “Now, as far as having kids goes, I already know how you feel about that and why. I told you I was okay with it as long as I had you, you were more important.” Yeah, but... he'd have them if it wasn't for me. “Just like I'll still be here if you change your mind too.” That was extremely doubtful. Hell would probably freeze over first.

“As for the marriage thing? Who said I wanted to get married to anyone? I never mentioned that, not one time in our entire lives together.” Jasper told me and I tried to remember if that was true. Well, fuck, it was true. “I distinctly remember wanting to be settled down with someone because that's what I thought I should do, but married? Fuck no.”

“Does that mean you never want to get married to anyone?” I asked astonished. His parents were always so happy together that I was jealous of it, jealous of having a love that lasted like that. I assumed he'd want that too.

“To a woman? No. I never understood why until I was with you. I loved you, I could never love them right.” He was quiet when he answered me, as if he was afraid of the words.

“Okay, so you never wanted to marry a woman. Jasper, we can't be married, you do realize this?” I asked him, I was not sure he fully understood the implications of that.

Jasper's eyes looked down and I thought I'd lost him now. Then he raised his head his blue eyes blazing bright and scooted closer to me. Taking my hands in his he said “Edward, listen to me and listen to me carefully, because it's unlikely I'll ever say this again. I'm not sure you realize that in my mind we already are. I've never and will never love anyone as much as you. You are my partner, my lover, my best friend, no one else is going to take your place.” My mind reeled at that, sometimes I didn't think he loved me as much I loved him. Swallowing he spoke softly “Edward, I love you. I don't want anyone else but you.” Tears started to well in his eyes and I knew then that he did love me, loved me as much as I did him, he just didn't show it the same way.

Sighing in relief and joy, my heart stopped shouting and punching me. I wasn't going to let him go, I'd just had a crazy freaked out moment. Smiling slightly at Jasper I whispered “Thank you.”

“Thanks for what?” He asked me bewildered.

“For telling me I was stupid, for talking me out of making one of the worst decisions I'd ever make, one I know I'd regret.” I told him grinning.

“Oh, well anytime you feel like being a jackass I'll let you know just how stupid you are being.” He was joking, but... that made me feel slightly guilty. He was a jackass to me and I'd shut him out and shut down, no longer listening. Jasper stayed and listened and talked sense into me. He was definitely slowly going back to his old self, his old self would have done that.

“Now get dressed, you wore me out today and I'm starving.” Jasper commanded and I laughed, he had been insatiable today in more ways than one.

“Why can I get dressed now and not before?” I asked him pulling a shirt on.

“Because if this was our last time together I wanted to remember the way you were.” He responded quietly, unable to look at me.

Coming up to him I tilted his chin up and saw the sadness in his eyes, on his face, the sadness I was responsible for, that I put there. Damn it. Embracing him I kissed his lips softly before whispering “Forgive me? I love you more than anything, I only thought I'd be doing the right thing and giving you what you needed by leaving.”

“Yes, but next time, don't do the right thing without talking to me first. Got it?” He demanded pushing me back.

“Got it, talk to you first.” I acknowledged. Sniffing the air we both could smell dinner cooking downstairs and finished getting dressed.

Esme and Carlisle were in the kitchen cooking. It was nice to see them together, but I knew Carlisle was more in the way than actually helping as he wasn't home that often to help cook. I think he was just there to sneak bites of food past Esme. They were laughing at something and I felt a little lighter, I needed the laughter after bringing myself down so fast. I was sure the old memories of my father hadn't helped my mood any.

One distinct memory kept playing over and over in my head today.

Running, I was running through the woods near my house. Feeling the wind on my face I felt free, freer than I ever did at home. The ground on the trail was soft and damp beneath my feet, I was barefoot and didn't care, it felt wonderful. Taking deep lungfuls of air I smelled the wet earth and felt elated. There was no need to fear anything out here, anything here was safer, calmer than my house. Peace was my illusion out here.

Stopping at a clearing I paused and took it all in. Flowers of all colors grew thick and heavy here, the opening giving them sunlight to flourish. My mom would like them I knew, so I began picking the best ones, trying to get all the different ones in my hand. Once my hand was as full as it could possibly get I walked back to my house slowly, holding the flowers out and away from me, not wanting to crush or mess them up. My mom deserved better than that, the past few days had been hard on her, her and my father were constantly fighting.

Walking into the yard, the flowers still intact, I was proud of myself. They made it in one piece and would make my mom happy. I was excited to give them to her. I should have known better, should have known my father would ruin it, like he always did.

He'd just gotten out of his car and saw me before I could hand them off to my mom. Glaring at me and then the flowers and back again he stepped up to me and ripped the flowers from my hand. Throwing them down he ground them out with his foot and seethed at me “You aren't a pansy.” What? My father needed medication or something, I know I'd seen him give my mom flowers whenever they'd been fighting, so what was the big deal? “Real men don't pick flowers.” Even though I knew I shouldn't have I rolled my eyes at him. “I'm doing you a favor by telling you this stuff, you don't want to grow up with people hating you.” Shooting daggers at him, right now I really hated him.

“What are you doing?” My mother screeched from the doorway.

“I'm just teaching Edward a lesson.” My father shot back at her.

“No, you aren't. Why would you do that? He's just a boy.” She said sidling up to me.

“You coddle him too much. If I left him alone with you he'd grow up to be gay.” He told her pointing his finger right at her in a gesture I didn't like. Gay? What the hell did that even mean? Sometimes I felt as though my father was mad at me for stuff I'd never done.

My mom said “Go to your room, sweetie. Your father and I need to have a discussion right now.” Discussion equaled fight in this household. I walked away feeling deflated as I wasn't able to give my mom those flowers. I'd go back and get some more and make sure my father never saw them.

Going up the stairs to my room I was bored as usual and wished my best friend lived closer to me. Could there be a way to get to him in times like this when I just wanted to get away from all of this? “Sweetie, are you alright?” My mom asked me pushing the door to my room open.

“Yeah.” I didn't cry anymore when my father acted like an ass, I just felt the bricks fall into place adding a new one each time.

“Do you want to go to Jasper's? It might be more fun than being here right now.” She asked and I looked up at her and nodded. It would be more fun than here, sometimes I felt like I was walking on eggshells or felt like I was at a funeral, mine.

My mom drove me to his house and when Esme opened the door she said “He's up in his room.” That's all it took for me to run up the stairs barely giving her a backwards glance. I was sure that was rude, but I didn't have it in me to be nice anymore today. Look where that had gotten me.

Knocking on Jasper's door I pushed it open slowly. He was laying on his bed listening to music with his eyes closed. Opening his eyes he quirked an eyebrow and asked “Bad day?”

“Yes.” Was my only reply before I laid on the bed beside him. Pulling me into his arms so my head was on his chest like usual I let out a sigh. “Jazz?”

“What?” His voice was soft.

“I wish there was some way we could see each other without our parents.” I was serious, I needed to see him far more often than I was allowed, needed to get away from that place.

“Hmm... I'll think of something.” He told me and I relaxed knowing he would.

A few months later I figured out what he'd been so excited about for a while, that trail he made between our houses. I think I forgot to thank him for that. Maybe I'd make it up to him later.

My father was a complete asshole. Something I figured out a long time ago, but knowing I wasn't the first family member he'd disowned was both disturbing and a relief. Why'd he do it though? I knew that question would gnaw at me until I knew the answer.

“Edward, what's gotten you so far away?” Jasper asked me snaking his arm around my waist and turning to face me.

“I forgot.” I stated.

“You forgot what, Edward? In case you haven't noticed I'm the one that keeps forgetting shit, not you.” Jasper was frowning at me and looking sober. I chuckled at him, he was right, he did forget stuff, unless it was absolute fact, that stuff he never forgot. Sometimes I wondered if he forgot things deliberately. If he couldn't remember then he wouldn't lie about stuff, he didn't like lying and he wasn't good at it, so maybe it was easier if he tried to erase it to start with.

“I forgot to thank you for making that trail, for coming to rescue me, for being there and taking me in.” I hadn't meant to say all that, but the words spilled out. God damn, this had been an emotional day for me, I was really kind of tired of it.

“You're welcome, but you need to thank my parents for taking you in, they could have said no all those times.” He told me. That was true, other kid's parents didn't take someone else's child on that often.

“No, he doesn't, we know he's grateful and it's not like we didn't want him here.” Esme said looking over at us. Then coming up next to me she hugged me and said “You've felt like my son since the first time I laid eyes on you.” Overwhelmed, all I could do was hug her back. She hadn't been able to have any of her own children, miscarrying each time she got pregnant. So to her I was sure I was like a second son she never thought she had, I certainly had spent enough time here.

“Now, there are too many cooks in the kitchen, you boys get out of here. Dinner will be ready in a few.” Esme said shooing us out the door.

We laughed at her and walked out of the kitchen. It was going to be a while before dinner was ready, so instead of heading to the dining room we ended up outside on the back porch. Passing the living room I didn't want to be there, it was... still uncomfortable with all that white, I hoped Esme wouldn't keep that for long. As we passed the den Esme had apparently already been taking the couch apart, why she would do that in here I didn't know, but the room was a mess. We were essentially relegated to outside or upstairs. Jasper wanted to go outside, I think he missed it after being in the hospital so long.

There were a couple of chairs out here and a table, but they were pushed back in the shade. Jasper only glanced at them before he sat on the wooden beams and let his legs swing out looking out over the woods surrounding the house. Joining him I sat down beside him and looked out, we'd be heading back to Seattle and the city tomorrow afternoon, so I fully intended to enjoy the peace while it lasted. “Jasper?” My voice was quiet, afraid to disturb the nature around us.

Turning his head to me he said “Yeah? Got something on your mind?” I'd had a lot of things on my mind today, but not this.

“Do you remember the trail we made from your house to the clearing?” I asked him. We made it so I wouldn't have to get there from my parents house anymore, I wanted to see it as little as possible.

He snorted at me and said “Yeah, I remember it. We both ended up covered in scratches and cuts from head to toe because we were too impatient to do it slowly.” I laughed, we did make it pretty damn fast.

“Anyway, do you think it's still there?” I asked.

“If what's still there? The trail? Or the clearing?” He questioned.

“The trail. The clearing is probably still there, it didn't seem like it was going anywhere.” The only way that was gone was if the forest had encroached on it.

“Don't know. Want to find out tomorrow morning before we leave?” He asked me with a gleam in his eye. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was up to.

“Hmm... maybe. Are you gonna be a good boy for me or not?” I teased.

Laughing at me he said “I'm not making any promises I can't keep. Besides, why should I be good? I've been good all damn day. You, on the other hand... I think you might need some sense knocked back into your head.”

Snorting at him I said “I think you've already done that.”

“Well, maybe I'll just drive it home more.” The double entendre wasn't lost on me.

Smiling at him I winked and said “I can't fucking wait.”

“Oh, you'll wait alright and I'll fuck you until you can't remember who you are anymore.” Jasper shot back at me. I groaned, damn it, why did he have to tease me this way? I think I must have said that out loud because the next words out of Jasper's mouth were “You've teased me like this before, turnabout is fair-play.” Then he slid his hand beneath the waistband of my jeans only brushing against my growing erection. He had a wide grin on his face and was having entirely too much fun at my expense.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked pleading with him for more.

“Why? Do you really have to ask? I'm having my fun with you, Edward. You totally ruined my blissed out high, now I'm going to get it back by torturing you.” Jasper's hand slipped lower and cupped my balls lightly tugging before removing his hand completely and laughing. Fucker.

Jasper stood and started walking back into the house. “Where the fuck do you think you're going?” I demanded.

“I'm hungry, I'm going to get food, you can stay out here and take care of yourself or join me.” Jasper was so going to pay for that. What the fuck was I thinking trying to break up with him? As soon as he walked his ass away from me just like he did now I would have been a goner and been all over him.

Standing up I caught up to him and wrapped my arms around him, trapping him there, pressing my erection into his ass. Hissing at me he asked “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I'm doing? You can't just leave me like that.” I was begging now.

“Oh, I can and I will.” He said turning around to face me, I could feel his own erection against my thigh. Good, that meant his resistance would be weak. Grabbing his ass I pulled him closely to me and kissed him roughly. Pulling away from me he told me “It won't be happening anymore today.” He grinned and backed away. I was frustrated beyond belief. After we got home I didn't know how much alone time we'd have when real life came back and my job that took so much away from me. I wanted him now, damn it.

Dinner was uncomfortable as Jasper's hand kept rubbing my inner thigh, I had to adjust myself a couple of times. What the fuck did he think he was doing? It was one thing to do that at home, but here? With his parents at the same table seemed like an incredibly stupid thing to do. The fucker had an innocent face the whole entire time. His parents knew what he was doing, they were both trying not to look and laugh.

Polishing off my food I stood up and told the table “I'm going to bed, I don't want to be too tired to drive home tomorrow.” Mostly I was hoping Jasper would follow me upstairs, the smirks on his parent's faces let me know exactly what they thought.

Pushing his chair back from the table Jasper stood and said “Yeah, me too and I need a shower.”

“Okay, we'll see you in the morning, boys.” Esme said her lips twitching.

Jasper was in front of me and about to put his foot on the bottom step of the stairs before he turned around. Grabbing the back of my neck with his hand he brought me to his lips, our tongues tasting each other. Grinning widely at me he pulled away and ran up the stairs, I groaned watching him. He was too good looking and too tasty for his own good.

Following up the steps I shut and locked the door behind me. Pulling Jasper to me I turned him around so he was against the door. My mouth met his and I swept my tongue inside and pushed his shirt up, my hands running along his ribs. Jasper moaned into my mouth and let me remove his shirt before he pushed me away. “It's not going to work, I'm in control right now.” Jasper said walking past me and dropping his jeans. Fuck, how did he expect me to keep my hands to myself? The rest of his clothes went after them and he stepped into the bathroom. Maybe if I could get my hands on him in the shower then he couldn't say no. Removing my clothes quickly I walked into the bathroom and watched the water run down Jasper's face. His wet blonde hair reminded me of the day he found out I liked him, with the rain soaking it and his clothes.

Stepping into the shower I pressed myself against his back and kissed his neck. Snorting at me he shook his wet hair in my face so I backed away. “What the fuck did you do that for?” I shouted.

“You're not listening to me, I said not today.” His voice was strong, commanding, until he came up to my ear and whispered “I will have you begging for it.”

“I am begging, Jazz. Please?” I was desperate and hard.

Smirking at me Jasper answered “No, if you think you need to get off then do it, right here, right now, while I watch.” Then under his breath he muttered “Fucker.” Oh, he was still mad about the time I watched him in the shower after leaving him high and dry. Damn it. I needed to get off badly.

Raising a brow at me Jasper tapped his foot impatiently and said “I'm waiting.” Yeah, like that was going to help. Shaking his head at me he grabbed the bottle of soap and poured it in his hand, lathering his entire body. I watched as he looked right at me and began stroking his cock with soapy hands.

Closing my eyes I leaned my head against the tile and moaned. Opening them again I let my own hands wander lower and matched the speed of his strokes on my own cock, imagining it was his hand there and not mine. Looking at Jasper's face it was flushed pink from the heat of the warm water. My eyes traveled down to his arm watching the muscles move and flex as he jerked himself off. Watching him stroke himself he brought his other hand around to cup his balls tugging on them. Fuck, I wish he'd let me suck on them. Taking a step forward Jasper's steely gaze was enough to make me step back to where I was. So instead of touching him, I mirrored what he was doing. Jasper closed his own eyes and grunted before biting his lip and letting go. That was my undoing. I sped my hand up and shot my load on my stomach soon after.

Jasper stood in front of me and placed his hands on the back of my head, his forehead resting on mine. “I love you.” He breathed before pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

“I love you too, Jazz.” I sighed.

Finishing up our shower soon after we went to bed and I fell into a deep sleep, a peaceful one. That was good, real life would come when we got back to Seattle. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I was looking forward to whatever Jasper had planned for tomorrow.

AN: So... I think I'm going to make you guys suffer for the real lemon until next chapter. This one already took so much out of me after the week I had. Don't complain, I think I outdid myself with the last couple of chapters and I plan to do the same with the next one.

Blood Lips

Blood Lips

AN: This is a departure from some of my other work, but it wouldn't leave me alone. It has been playing over and over in my head since the beginning of November, and as it never went away I assume it must come out. This is a one shot only and will always remain just that. Male slash for the most part, except for a brief rendezvous with Bella.

Different time-line for these characters, late 1800s, none of them are vegetarians. Dedicated to all of you that wish Bella was dead, haha.

Characters belong to SM, fun to play around with though.

EPOV

The strong smell of blood wafted to me, breathing it in deeply my throat burned. Two distinct scents of blood lingered in the air, on the move. One belonging to a body that no longer had life, no heart beat in the flesh anymore. The other body had a strong heart beat, thrumming a little too rapidly for what humans should sound like. Panic?

Approaching the two humans swiftly and quietly I could hear a man's thoughts. They cannot hang me for this. I will just get rid of her and be on the next ship out, no one will find me. His thoughts came to me as the panic started to subside and he was filled with the rush of getting away with what he had done. Little did he know that he would not. His attempt at hiding the evidence of who it was that had died by mutilating her broken body sent him his death sentence.

Lifting the man's thoughts of what happened from his head I gathered he had been a sailor on leave. He made his way to one of the whorehouses near the docks and had taken up with the now dead woman. The man had not meant to kill her, but he liked his liasons a little rough. It was too late when he realized he had been too harsh, he had snapped her neck. Broken and naked before him he had no idea what to do, but knew he would be in trouble as they knew that he had lain with her, he did have to pay for her services at the door. So, stealing her away and out the window under the cover of night he found his way out here in the forest, in the trees, in my home. To hide the woman's identity he had smashed her face in with a rock, she still had not been dead long enough not to bleed. The woman's body was covered in blood, it was the scent that had driven my feet faster to taste it, to feed the hunger that was always there.

The whispered movements of another vampire catching up to me tore a growl through my chest. This was my meal. Edward, it is just me. Called out the mind of my mate, my lover. My tensed muscles relaxed as Jasper got closer to me. Nearing me he caught up quickly and we pounced on the surprised man. He had no idea what happened. Instead of drawing him in, we took him by surprise. Draining his blood, his lifeforce from his body gave me great pleasure. The intesity of the hunger I had never went away, but it was abated somewhat.

Seeing the man's wide open surprised eyes filled me with delight. He would not get away with what he had done. Not that human affairs mattered much to me, but I still relished it. Dropping the body between us I looked up into Jasper's face, seeing the red blood on his lips as he licked it off, the same red color of his eyes. Jasper grinned widely at me as I licked my own lips. Then I felt his lips on my own, our tongues touching, tasting, exploring. The mixture of us and the blood went straight down to my cock. Pulling Jasper closer to me I pressed myself against him and felt the same need, the same desire.

“Edward...” Jasper breathed.

“Yes?” I questioned.

“Please... touch me.” He pleaded. In his mind I could see exactly where he wanted to be touched and what he wanted done. Wasting no time in getting our clothes off I pushed his trousers done revealing his beautiful cock to my eyes. Kneeling down on the soft ground I took him into my mouth and sucked and licked and teased him getting the most satisfying grunts and growls in response.

Stop! He shouted at me in his mind as he shoved me away sending me crashing into one of the trees, toppling it over. Laughing he lunged at me and shoved me against a sturdy large old tree. His lips engulfed my cock as he held me still with his hands on my hips. My head tilted back in ecstasy. The bark from the tree behind me that would have scratched and torn at a human's skin felt like light feathery kisses against my back only increasing my pleasure.

Jasper's tongue teased me bringing me sweet joy. Looking down I watched as his blood red lips sucked their way up to my head. Nearing my release he let me go with a grin and said “Turn around.” Turning my body around so I was facing the tree I wrapped my arms around what I could of it. Jasper's hands pushed my buttocks apart, his tongue licking the crack. Do you know how good you taste? He growled at me in his head.

My body shuddered at his words, even if they were only in his head. His tongue poked through my entrance and lubricated me with his venom. Pressing back against him I breathed “Take me now.”

I want you so much... I knew he was going to be rough, but as he sent me large doses of the lust he felt that was all I felt too. Plunging in he sheathed himself inside quickly as my body was pressed further into the tree. Kissing my ear he whispered “You feel so good around my cock.” Groaning at him he began thrusting into me, each thrust pushing me into the tree that thankfully felt like a soft mattress. I was not sure if the pleasure I was feeling was my own or came from him, but I did not care, it was wonderful.

Grunting at me he pulled us both to the ground so that I was on all fours facing the dead bodies. Pushing back inside me he placed his hands on my hips as I rocked back against him. Seeing the lifeless bodies integrated the bloodlust we always carried into our sexual lust. That was the catalyst to send me over the edge. As my muscles tightened and tensed around Jasper's cock he let out a gutteral groan and spilled his venom into me.

Laying on the grass Jasper fell on top of me and kissed my shoulder saying “I love you.” He did not have to say the words out loud, I already knew them to be true. Just as I did not have too either, he felt what I felt.

Turning over underneath him I captured his lips with my own and said “I love you, too.”

Smelling another vampire on the wind we stiffened until I recognized Alice's voice shouting at me. “Alice.” I told Jasper. In no time we were dressed and waiting for her to catch up to us.

Alice came tearing between the trees a look of utter terror on her face. “What is it?” I asked her. Swallowing, either at what the look was for, or the dead bodies I was not sure.

She opened up her mind to me to a vision she had just had. A man had just snuck off a quarantined ship and swam ashore to end up in one of the many brothels by the water. He lay with a beautiful brunette woman there, they had shared some food and wine beforehand. Then Alice's vision turned to the future. The man and the woman both marred and decayed, dead from illness. There were many bodies that looked just like them. The ship the man was on carried typhoid fever. Spreading like wildfire the sickness killed many people. Then her vision switched to us and what it did to us. We were hungry, wild, black eyes, weak. The infection had poisoned our food supply. “We have to do something, Edward. We cannot let it get like that.” Alice pleaded with me.

“What are we supposed to do about it then?” I asked her. The most logical thing would be to kill them. As I thought it Alice's eyes shifted and a new future appeared. We were happy and healthy and many of the people lived that would not otherwise. Being predators this did not concern me, but I preferred my meals with healthy blood, they gave the most strength.

Different scenarios played out on how we were supposed to kill them, each one promptly discarded with the rest. Then I saw Jasper and I and we were both lying with the girl. “What?” I growled at her.

She nodded her head and said “Yes, that is the best way. I can get rid of the man, and burn the ship. You need to get rid of her and burn the brothel, it's the only way to contain it. Bring her body back here and we will burn it as well.”

“Alice... why does that involve us lying with her? Can we not just kill her?” A deep rumble from my chest signaled my displeasure. Fornicating with a human was not high on my list of things to do, they were food.

“She might as well go out happy and besides think how much better her blood will taste that aroused.” Her eyes gleamed as she said this.

Jasper choked out “You want us to do what?”

“Apparently Alice thinks it best if we lie with a whore and then kill her.” I replied bitterly, not even trying to hide my exasperation.

“What? Alice, you cannot be serious. She is human.” He reasoned with her.

“So? Edward was human when you were first with him.” Came her offhand reply.

“Yeah, but he is my mate, I knew that. I knew that I was going to turn him in the middle, not destroy him.” He told her.

“And who exactly told you where he was and that he would be your mate?” She questioned. “I think you owe me.”

“Owe? Alice, just exactly how do you get pleasure from this?” Jasper argued.

With a wicked grin on her face she touched the side of her head and said “I will get to see it in here and take it out anytime I want.”

We both blew out our nonexistent breath at her. Then she looked at us more seriously before saying “Besides, that is the only way she will let you near her. She is smart, the red eyes will not fool her, so you had better be prepared to send all the lust you can.”

Looking at Jasper I asked “Can you believe her?”

Chuckling at Alice he nodded. “Sure can.” Great, now I was going to have to lie with a human and a female one at that. I was never even with a woman when I was human, not that I had lived long anyway. Fear overtook me, not of killing her, since that was entirely the point, but Jasper was my mate, would he then decide I was not good enough? Would he leave and find a female vampire? Alice and him had lain together before I came, I had seen it in both their minds.

Jasper turned his head to look at me reading the fear flowing through me. What are you afraid of?

I did not speak. Alice took the words from my mouth. “He is afraid you will not want him anymore. He has never been with anyone other than you, so he thinks you will leave him for someone better.”

Tracing my jaw he pulled me to him and whispered against my lips “You are my only mate and always will be. You are the only one I have ever loved.” Sighing into his mouth my lips pressed against his.

Wow. That thought came from Alice. Pulling away from Jasper I glared at her. What? Can I not look? You know I would see it in my mind anyway.

“Alice, do you really have to always invade people's minds like that? I, at least, do not do it on purpose.” I said angrily.

Red eyes sparking she said “I have to get my jollies off somehow. Since you two are together I have no one.” Frowning at us she moaned “My mate has not even been born as a human yet.” I laughed at her frustration.

“Will it be soon then, Alice?” I asked her.

Her eyes took on a faraway look and projected us into the future. Jasper and I were outside on a cloudy day in front of many humans. We were holding hands. No one looked at us, no one was bothered that two men were holding hands. What about our eyes? Our eyes were no longer red, they were a gold color that allowed us to blend in easily with the humans around us. Alice was walking up to us, hand in hand, with a tall Native American man, paler than he should be. Both Alice and his eyes were gold as well.

Snapping my blood red eyes to hers I asked in shock “How?”

“I cannot answer that. I have yet to see that part of our future.” She explained. Jasper and I would be free, free to be around humans, to live among them, and not in hiding. That seemed impossible. It was human nature to avoid us naturally.

Blinking at us she said “Hurry. You must hurry before anyone else lies with her. I have to find the man and get rid of him.” Alice's eyes were a dull red, not the bright ruby of Jasper's having just fed. She needed to feed soon. Jasper and I were both still hungry after sharing that meal, so I supposed we would be sharing another one today too. I still was not sure how I felt about that.

Alice took off after her prey leaving us to do the same. Sighing I said “I really do not want to do this. I never even was with a woman when I was human.”

Jasper looked at me sadly and said “I know. This could be your chance tonight. I have no intention of sharing you again.” I would rather not share you at all.

“Then why are we doing this? We can just kill her and it will be over.” I said to him. Alice was still close enough to throw back what would happen if we did not lie with the woman. Big men bursting through her door leading us to kill them as well and ultimately exposing ourselves.

Huffing at her I shouted “I get it, Alice.” Good, get on with it.

“It seems we have a date with destiny whether we want it or not.” I said and took off in the direction of town, Jasper following me.

When we got there the entire place seemed on guard. Passing by the big men I had seen in Alice's vision we walked through the door. A voluptous strawberry blonde woman greeted us “Hello, gentlemen, what will be your pleasure tonight?”

I was taken aback at her brashness. These men are gorgeous, I wonder if either of them would lie with me. Then she took a good look at us. Red eyes? Last time I checked no one had red eyes. Oh, I hope they had nothing to do with the missing girl.

Edward, she is feeling fear. I am going to send a massive dose of lust at her as I can draw that emotion the most from this place, be on guard. Nodding my assent I felt the overwhelming power of the lust he sent to her, it was all I could do to stay standing. The woman in front of us heart beat began speeding up.

These men must be okay, they obviously have money. Look at the buttons on their shirts, they are silver. Snorting in my head I thought, Alice.

As I had been the one to actually have a visual of the girl I told the woman “We would like a brunette, does eyes, fair.” Gulping at us I heard her think I wish they had asked for me. No, she very much should be happy we did not, or she would be dead in the morning.

“Both of you?” She asked making sure we wanted her at the same time. In her head I heard disgusting. Nodding at her she said “That will cost extra.”

“We have the money.” I had pocketed all the money off the sailor we had killed earlier.

“In that case, I think we have just what you are looking for.” She turned and was heading towards the stairs expecting us to follow her.

Jasper cleared his throat and she turned to look at him curiously. “Yes?”

“Could you have her already naked and waiting on the bed for us before we enter?” He asked her.

Stammering at him she said “S... sure.” The she went upstair to prepare her girl. She looked at all the girls here as her girls. They would have nowhere to go if it was not for her. Daughters left penniless and without a prospect. This gave them food and shelter and as women were so scarce here sometimes they even found their husbands if they were lucky and left this life for good.

Looking at him I wondered what he was doing. It will take less time this way, so you will not be as nervous. I was nervous? Yes, I supposed I was. Sending me calm he said Just enjoy it, it will be over soon, we will be fed, she will be dead, the building burned, the threat gone, and we can be together again, just us. My body relaxed whether it was willingly or by his influence I did not know.

Coming back down to get us the woman said “Follow me. Bella is waiting.”

As we approached the room I felt intense sadness and looked at Jasper frowning, he was the one sending it to me. He nodded his head towards the room, he must be feeling what she is then. Opening my mind to hear her thoughts I gained that she did not want to be here, but Tanya, the madame of the brothel, had been kind to her and saved her from starvation. She had not been here too long and her grief over her father's death was still overpowering. How were we going to be able to do this? I would not be able to get through it without Jasper's help and all he could feel was sadness right now.

Without moving my mouth and without the madame's poor human ears hearing I asked Jasper “Are you going to be able to get through this?” Jaw tightening he told me I will be fine. I can take the others lust in here if I must.

“Here she is, gentlemen. Take good care of her, she is my favorite.” I heard the warning in her tone before she left us alone.

Walking into the room I saw the beautiful woman from Alice's vision lying naked on the bed for us. Her doe eyes made her look even sadder. She looked at the both of us intently and her thoughts swirled in her head. Great, two men. I wonder if they are like all the others and are too afraid to actually be together that they use me. I am nothing more than a hole to any of the men in this place, a vessel for them to spill their seed. Well, at least I might enjoy it this time, these men are handsome. The man this morning was disgusting.

Her thoughts did not make me want to be with her any more than I already had. I just wanted to get this over with. Looking at our eyes for the first time she thought Red eyes? As her mouth opened to scream her terror Jasper sent a wave of lust to her, letting me feel the same.

That was all it took before my mouth crashed to his. No thoughts came from Bella, she was mute. I wanted to remove our clothes quickly, but Jasper reminded me Human in the room, human speed. Growling in frustration I slowed down. Once we were both naked we climbed onto the bed to join Bella, who was, unfortunately, between us. Do you know what to do? Came Jasper's thoughts. I might not have been with a woman, but I could read thoughts, I was not dumb. I glared at him. Well, if you know what to do, then get to it.

Neither of us kissed her mouth. Remember not to kill her. Jasper sent me. I thought the whole point to this was to kill her? He must have felt my annoyance because he thought Remember not to break her, we can kill her when we are done.

Bella lay flat on her back between us and I mimicked Jasper's movements. One finger tentatitvely touching the rose colored nipple of the soft swell of her breasts. They turned to hard peaks at our cold fingers and she shivered. Why are they so cold?

She is far too curious. Jasper sent her more lust. Taking a nipple into his mouth he laved it with venom, and I did the same. Moaning at the sensation she arched her back and I watched Jasper's hand trail down her stomach to slip between the folds of her legs, which she spread apart.

Her moans became louder and her legs shook as he fingered her. No coherent thoughts came to me from her anymore. Jasper's voice in my head said Taste her, see how much she wants us.

Leaving a trail of cold kisses down her stomach my head eventually made it to its target. The smell was musky and intoxicating, I was not sure I would be able to do this without biting her and draining her right then. Flicking my tongue out to lick her juices off her she exhaled a loud moan. My tongue flattened out over her swollen and aroused nub.

Jasper began to roll her to her side so that she was facing me. I picked up her leg and placed it over my shoulder and dipped my tongue inside her. Jasper scooted down the bed and licked the crack of her ass. I feel like I am on fire. Screamed Bella's mind.

I want to kiss you. Jasper moaned at me. Lifting up Bella's leg higher I met his lips and we tasted her arousal along with each other on our tongues.

Why did they stop? Are they kissing? Oh my... ungh... Bella groaned into my head.

Is it time to put you out of your misery? Came Jasper's voice teasingly. Pulling away from him I licked Bella once more and scooted back up the bed. Jasper's red eyes still sparkled as he looked at me.

“There is oil over there.” Bella pointed out the bedside table and the bottle on it.

Jasper opened the bottle and poured some of the oil onto his fingers before applying it to the crack between her cheeks. Then I watched in fascination as his fingers slid into her. I had never seen the way his hands looked when they did that, just my own. He moved his fingers in and out, and scissored her. She has done this before. No kidding.

Then I watched as Jasper slid into her easily with a look of pain and pleasure on his face. Instant jealousy turned my at best semi-hard cock nonexistent. I did not want to see him enjoying this. Reaching his arm over her body his hand touched my arm and pulled me closer to her. You are the one for me. Then he kissed my lips and sent wave after wave of lust to me, making me hard once again. She feels good, but not as good as you.

Plunging myself into her I felt the warmth and the wetness surrounding my cock. Thrusting into her she felt good, but not as good or as tight as Jasper. We had to counter our thrusts. Bella's moans were loud as they echoed in the room. Her small hands were warm on my back. Jasper's hand moved between our bodies skimming both Bella and I. Lower and lower he went until he was right at her nub. Rubbing and teasing pleasure out of her I felt his knuckles skim over me increasing my own desire.

It is time. Lifting my head to look at Jasper I nodded and we kissed once before our mouths found her neck. As we bit into the soft flesh her body shook and shuddered at its own climax. Alice was right, the blood was sweeter this way. Drinking her down we continued our own thrusts into Bella. The lights began dying in her eyes and our thrusting became faster, harder, bringing about our own release. Bella's lifeless body lay between us and we licked the blood off each other's lips. It was hard to repress the groan that left me.

Pulling out of her I sincerely hoped we did not have to do that again, least of all with a woman. One thing I knew for certainty was that I would have only been attracted to men in my human life, that was clear after this.

Edward, take the body to the woods. I will create a diversion to let you escape. Then I will burn the building before finding you again. Nodding my head I got up and put my own clothes on and wrapped Bella's nude body in a sheet stealing her away, not unlike the man we had met earlier. Jumping out of the window my feet sped me to the forest and back home, back to my life. Meeting Alice there with a fire already going I smelt burning flesh. Placing Bella's body on the pyre carefully, so I would not burn myself I waited with her, waited for Jasper's return.

Did you feed your curiousity? Alice asked me.

Turning to look at her I retorted “What are you talking about?”

Without speaking she said I know you always wondered what it would have been like if you had stayed human, if you had married, if your parents had not gotten sick, if you had not gotten sick. Now you know. I do not think it would have been pleasant for you, always having to hide. I sighed knowing she was right and stared into the fire remembering.

Jasper found me in a tuberculosis hospital. My parents had already succumbed to the disease. Alice was his creator, she had found him wounded on the battlefield of the Texas revolution, and they had been together for a while, but they knew they were not true mates. Her vision of me sent him to my side.

Laying in the hospital bed at night I waited for death to find me. That night I thought it had. Jasper appeared by my side, beautiful, blonde, terrifying. Kneeling beside my bed his nose nuzzled my neck and inhaled deeply. The next thing I felt was flying through the air. I was dreaming, dead, or dying.

Passing out from the speed and the illness combined the next thing I knew I was lying on the grass with my half angel, half demon hovering above me. Was I dead? I did not feel fear, even when I looked into the ruby eyes. All I felt was want, need, desire.

The man lay beside me with his arm around me and kissed my lips. He had not even spoken to me. His lips were cold, and took my breath away. Pulling away from me he said “You are mine, Edward.” I wanted to be his. I should not want it, I should want to run screaming.

Cold fingers traced my lips as he said “We will be very happy together, you and I. You are my true mate.” What was he talking about? How could I mate with this half angel, half demon, a male one at that.

“W.. who... are you?” I stuttered out.

Giving me a wide dazzling smile he said “I will be your lover, the one to save you from this sickness for eternity.” Not understanding how that was possible I just shook my head in confusion.

“Yes, Edward, we will be together for a very long time.” He explained. How did he know my name? I did not know his.

“What is your name?” I asked him.

“My name is Jasper.” He told me.

“Wh... what... are you?” I questioned.

His red eyes dancing he asked “Can you not guess?”

Cold, red eyes, desire, pale, beautiful, eternity. “Vampire.” My voice barely came above a whisper.

His hand ran along my ribs and my body shivered with desire. I had never felt quite like this before.

“Tell me Edward have you ever lain with a woman?” He asked me and his voice almost had a possessive tone to it.

Shaking my head no at him I wondered when I would have been left alone with a girl. My parents were proper, and I was only seventeen. I was sixteen when they died.

Then he looked like he was mulling his next question over before he asked “Have you ever lain with a man?” What?

Starting to shake my head no I realized that no, I had never been with one, but I had touched one and let them touch me. “Who was it?” Jasper's voice came out angrily. I felt like I was disappointing him.

“My friend, Tommy.” He had been my friend when my parents were sick, before I had gotten sick. We had gone swimming nude in the lake and laid beside it drying off. Fighting with one another and laughing we ended up rolling around in the grass and it was too late when we both realized we were hard. In shock we stilled our movements and Tommy's breath came out in pants. Tommy kissed me and it was nice, it felt good, I wanted more, so did he. Our hands touched each other's erect cocks, unsure and awkward. As we became more confident with it our moans sounded into the sky telling anyone that was listening what we were doing. That was the only time it ever happened. Death had already overtaken Tommy before me.

My eyes swam with tears thinking of all the people that I had lost, I had no one. This beautiful creature before me wanted me. Kissing him myself this time I whispered against his lips “Change me.”

“It will be my pleasure.” Jasper grinned at me. Before I knew what was happening both of our clothes had been removed. How did that happen? It looked they vanished in an instant. At my puzzlement Jasper said “Quick reflexes.” I could not wait to have my own.

Kissing my lips again he pulled back before I could no longer breathe. His hands roamed down my chest, his lips following. My body shivered at the cold and the ultimate fire he created against my skin. I was hard. “Did Tommy ever touch you like this?” He asked me as he ran his finger up my cock. Nodding my head yes he frowned and then his eyes brightened as he asked “Did Tommy ever touch you like this?” His mouth enveloped my cock, his tongue was hard and unyielding as he coated me with venom. Shaking my head no I moaned out in ecstasy.

Jasper's hand tugged on my balls, if he did not stop soon I was going to let go. Sensing this Jasper kneeled on either side of me and kissed my shoulder working up to my neck. Inhaling deeply he rubbed his ass against my cock. My eyes rolled back in my head. “Edward, I am going to ride you. Will you let me do that?” Who was I to say no?

Nodding at him I breathed “Yes.” Licking his hand he coated it in venom and ran it up and down my cock a few times. Then he placed two fingers against my lips waiting for me to open. Sucking them into my mouth I felt the cold hardness of them. Taking them away I watched as he pushed them into his own ass and pumped a few times.

“Are you ready?” He asked me. I had never been more ready for anything in my life. My only answer was a groan. Positioning himself over me he slid slowly onto my cock. The tightness was overwhelming my senses. Jasper began lifting himself up and down, his hands on my chest. Never in my life had I felt so wanted, so whole. I wanted to be with this amazing creature forever. I knew that this is where I belonged.

“Take me.” I breathed. Jasper's eyes darkened at the request and he leaned down biting into my jugular, drinking my blood, draining me. It was pleasure and pain at the same time. I felt my impending release along with the venom taking its hold in my body.

Only the sickness kept him from killing me, it was the only thing that made my blood not as sweet. Pulling away from me, I watched as he continued riding up and down me, his hand going to his own cock, sliding, straining. His lips were red with my blood. I had never seen a more beautiful site. I knew I would be his, that we would be together when all this was over, forever.

Interrupting my thoughts I felt Jasper's hands on my shoulders and his lips at my neck. What are you thinking about so hard?

Turning around in his arms I kissed his lips and said “How we met.”

He grinned and asked “Do you want to reenact it?” Nodding at him I laughed and we threw Alice a 'sorry' before we took off.