Scars and Nigthmares: Chapter Twenty-one

Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Twenty-one

AN: Thanks to all of you for WC'ing with me on this and SD. I wouldn't have gotten them out in the time I did without you.

Characters belong to SM, sad story is mine and many of yours.

JPOV

Waking up again, with the morning and the bustle of the hospital around me, I wondered when I was going to get out of here. Edward stirred and scrubbed his face with his hands. “I'll be right back, Jasper.” He said as he got up and went to the small bathroom. Shouldn't he have a locker here somewhere in the hospital? Had he even been there or did he spend all his extra time with me?

“Jasper?” Dr. Swan called walking into my room. I groaned, I didn't want to see her anymore. She took the seat and asked “Are you going to talk to me today?”

Keeping my mouth firmly clamped shut I stared at the ceiling. The only thing that brought me out of that was Edward walking back into the room. Seeing him made me feel calm somehow.

Dr. Swan looked back and forth between the two of us before she spoke again, this time to Edward. “Dr. Cullen, will Jasper be able to be moved now?” She questioned. Moved? Where was I going? Were they going to send me to the psych ward? God, I didn't want to go there. Right now the only place I wanted to be was home. Jasper, who are you kidding? You don't want to go home and you know it. That place is depressing and you'll end up back in here again.

Edward walked over to me and looked over my wounds thoroughly. His answer to her was cryptic “Physically, yes.” What did that mean? I wasn't mentally ready to go? I knew I wasn't ready to go home, but wasn't I ready to move on so they could examine my head? I snorted to myself at that, I wouldn't even let Dr. Swan examine it.

“Okay. Jasper, I will be moving you later today.” Dr. Swan stated.

“Moving me where?” I asked her, well aware that those were probably the most words I'd said to her.

“Well, there aren't any beds in the psych ward here, and I don't think you'd be comfortable there either.” She explained in what she probably thought was a soothing tone. Her eyes glanced over to Edward's as though she was asking his permission to take me away. Weird.

“So where the hell am I going then? Can I go home?” I demanded to know.

“Jasper, I have privileges at the psych hospital across the street. I want you to go there.” Dr. Swan answered.

“You want me to?” I caught onto that quickly. “You aren't going to make me?”

“No, I can't make you without a court order, and if I do that it'll take longer for you to get out. If you volunteer yourself you won't have to stay as long.” She explained, pleading with me to go on my own.

Sighing I ran that thought around in my head. I didn't want to be away from Edward, I didn't want to go home, but how was I supposed to get better? If I go home now, I know for certain that I would end it. Trying to break the hold the man had on me was the first step, but I would slip easily and let him drag me into hell with him. I know I would, and I would succeed in ending it this time.

Edward spoke beside me “You've come so far, Jasper. Please go, it will help you. It will get you a little further from where you are.” I noticed he didn't say well, just further. Sighing, it would have to do. Baby... god, no, not baby. Don't even say that word in your mind, Jasper. You know what it does to you. Small steps would have to do for now. Clamping my eyes shut I tried to take deep breaths, to get that word out of my head. Fingers brushed my cheek and I jumped in shock, but I forgot what had gotten me going. Opening my eyes I was staring at Edward before me, looking on in concern.

His eyes, the green, I watched them, remembered their burn from when he was twelve. Yes, I'd go, I'd get better. I would become as strong as I could be. That man would go down in my mind, I would tackle him until he couldn't hold me any longer. “Yes, I'll go.” I agreed and both Edward and Dr. Swan breathed sighs of relief.

Dr. Swan stood and said “I'll get the orders ready to move you later this afternoon.” Then I watched her walk out the door.

Edward asked “Are you okay?” He was still standing beside the bed, his hand hadn't moved from my face and I hadn't flinched other than the initial startled reaction. I really was becoming more relaxed around him. Would he want anything to do with me once I was out? I felt the connection, but did he? I had no idea. Should he? What if I couldn't get better? Then what would happen to him? That thought depressed me. I had to get better, I had to. He didn't deserve anymore horror in his life just as I didn't.

Unable to resist and really wanting to know his reaction I let out a shaky “Yes,” then I turned my head and kissed the palm of his hand. This was my last day here and I had to know if there was any hope of anything beyond our pasts. Edward's breathing hitched, he didn't remove his hand, but he didn't say anything either.

Starting to panic I sat up before Edward pushed me back on my shoulder. “Where are you going?” He asked me softly, afraid to frighten me.

Tears sprang to my eyes, who would want me? I was broken. All I brought to the table were nightmares and the hideous scars that man had given me whether it was by his own hand or by his fucking with my mind. “Jasper... I like you...” Edward's voice cracked on those words. “But... you are my patient and I'm your doctor. Nothing can happen while I'm still your doctor.” The words slowly sunk in and the tears that flowed were happy. He liked me? My heart beat a little faster at the thought.

I felt like I was flying. That wasn't normal. I never felt like that with anyone else, so why would I start now? Letting out a laugh I asked “It's a good thing Dr. Swan is moving me today then, isn't it?” I could hug the bitch right now.

He smiled at me surprised at my reaction and answered “Yes, it's a good thing. You are going to get better in there, Jasper.” Then he leaned down and whispered “If you don't I'll kick your ass and bring Emmett for reinforcements.” I laughed as at that exact same time the huge giant stepped into the room. Alice came in with him looking almost as tiny as smurf next to him. At that though I couldn't stop the giddy laughter that flowed from my mouth. Holy crap, it'd been a long time since I'd laughed that hard or felt that free. Free. I could be free. I would have to work my ass off for it, but that man's hold could be broken and I'd be free.

I smiled seeing Emmett, who was before now my only friend, and at Alice who I had no doubt would be my friend as well if I let her. Grabbing Edward's hand I held it close to me and watched as Alice's eyes looked knowing, and unsurprised. Emmett's, however, were wide as saucers and he shouted loudly “Holy shit.” Then I watched him swing Alice around, he was ecstatic. What the hell for?

“Emmett, what the fuck is wrong with you? Put Alice down.” I demanded.

“I just... I never thought my two favorite gay men would actually like each other, especially not with....” He trailed off the ending, I already knew what he was going to say and I wasn't going to respond to it.

Edward tried to turn the mood lighter again as he shot back “Two favorite gay men? Aren't we the only gay men you know?”

Emmett laughed his booming laugh and answered “Yeah, but you'd still be my favorite if I knew anyone else. I've tried to set him up with some people.” He said pointing at me. “But, I knew they'd never work, I just thought he needed a good fuck to get him out of his funk.”

My mouth gaped open “You didn't think any of the dozens of people you tried to set me up with would work?”

He shook his head no. “I really wanted it to work out with you and Eddie, but... I'm close to both of you, so if I didn't work out, then I'd be fucked. Good thing it's your faults you met and not mine.” He ended that glaring at me. Yeah, yeah.