Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Fifteen

Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Fifteen

AN: So some of you guessed the colors pretty close, good for you. A chapter from Edward's point of view, a little less depressing.

Characters belong to SM

EPOV

Outside Jasper's room I heard the tinkling voice of my sister. What the fuck was Alice doing here? She shouldn't be here. There were privacy laws for a reason. Didn't she know that could cost me my job? I had to get rid of her. If Jasper didn't want her here that could cause a lot of trouble.

Then I heard Alice's voice float softly to me when she said “Your're the one, you're the one he killed for.” He didn't say anything to her at that. What did Jasper tell her? Other than me he hadn't told anyone a single thing about what he'd been through. How did she get that out of him?

“Yes, Alice, he's the one I killed for.” I told her and she spun round snapping her head up at me. “What are you doing here, Alice? What happened to Emmett?”

“I came by to see Jasper, he's Emmett's partner after all. As to why I'm still here, Jasper told Emmett to go back to work.” Alice told me. Why would he tell Emmett to leave? Fuck, was he just trying to get rid of him, so he could try and end it all again? This morning showed me just how much he still wanted to end his pain. I knew he had no intention of showing himself that vulnerable. It made me think he couldn't be out of anyone's sight for a long time.

Tightening my jaw in both anger and hurt I said “I'm done with my shift now, so... you can go home now.”

“What if I don't want to?” Alice pouted.

“Go, Alice. You shouldn't be here to begin with.” I commanded.

“Fine, I'll go, but I'm going to go get you some dinner first before I go home, if that's alright.” She told me.

“Okay, Alice, but bring enough back for Jasper and me, I promised him real food. He won't be getting any of that in here.” I said and Alice giggled.

Alice picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She leaned over Jasper and whispered something I couldn't hear to him before leaving the room.

Taking the chair Alice left I glanced at the drawings on Jasper's tray. They made me want to cry, to see the hurt as plain as day on them. Swallowing hard to keep the tears at bay I took Jasper's hand. That had to be how he told my sister, I knew he still had trouble speaking the words. One day the words would have to come out of him though to someone. It would be hard, it would be tough, but it needed to be done. I might not have told Emmett, but I didn't keep it quiet from everyone. Jasper hadn't even really told me, he didn't need to, I'd seen it firsthand, experienced it.

Jasper looked more relaxed than I'd see him since he got here. Noticing the cards for the first time on the tray too I asked “Did you enjoy playing cards with my sister?”

Frowning at me Jasper said “I don't know if enjoyed is the right word. She kept me occupied.” Nodding at him I smiled in my head, she was good at that, she'd done the same to me. Sometimes I think she thought if she could distract you long enough from your depression then you'd forget. It worked for a while, but it always came rushing back.

Picking up the cards I shuffled them and dealt them out. Brow furrowed Jasper said “Do we have to play that again? That game took forever.”

“Jasper, are you telling me you have somewhere else to be?” I asked him and he looked up at me and burst into laughter. What was so funny? His laughter was beautiful, catching, he should do it more often.

“Alice said the same exact thing to me today.” He explained still chuckling. I laughed too. If you lived with someone long enough you tended to pick up their traits.

Deciding which cards could be laid down I said “Jasper, I don't know anything about you, other than... you know. What kinds of things do you like to do?” I asked him this, hoping he could trade his addiction for the razors to another healthier one.

Biting his lip in a nervous gesture that made me want to kiss them Jasper said “Promise not to laugh?” I nodded my head. I couldn't speak. Why would I even think about kissing Jasper now? Even if I did do that someday he'd probably freak out, I still hadn't forgotten his dream he'd had.

“I like to write.” He stated.

Looking at him curiously I tried to bring myself to the here and now and asked “You like to write what?” Then why hadn't he written anything, why had he drawn on the pages?

He closed his eyes and sighed saying “I like to write fiction. Anything to forget...” Ahh, so he didn't want to face the cold, hard truth of reality. I got it, I really did.

Attempting to change the subject from the pain I asked “Do you write often?”

Jasper furrowed his brow and bit his lip again. Damn, that sight still made me want to kiss his lips. I had to look away. “Actually, I haven't written anything in a long time.” He admitted.

Turning my eyes back to his blue ones, the color of a steely blue stormy sky I said “Then you should start back up again.” If he could write even about fiction maybe it would release some of the pain he had, would get it out on paper instead of in blood.

Sighing he stated in a small voice “I know.”