Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Eleven

Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Eleven

Characters belong to SM, story still mine.

JPOV

Edward put his hand over mine, the one that had stilled on his face. He squeezed it gently and set it back down on the bed. I wanted to reach back up and touch him again, but I knew that was a terrible idea.

“I have to go back to work, Jasper. I'll be back when my shift is over.” He told me.

Looking up at him I said “Are you sure you want to come back? If you'd rather go home I'm not stopping you.” I wanted him to stay here, with me. At the same time I wanted him to go, he'd only be hurt by me, I knew this.

“Jasper, I'm coming. Now stop trying to talk me out of it.” Edward said before he walked out of the room.

Outside the room I could hear Edward and another person talking. It sounded like Dr. Swan. Great, just fucking great. She was just the person I wanted to see now. “Edward, please tell me what you know. I know you had to have talked to him.” She pleaded with him.

“Bella, if he wants you to know something he'll tell you himself. I'm not about to do it for you. If he wants to tell me something he needs to know that he can without me running off to tell the shrink.” Edward sounded angry.

Changing tactics she asked “Well, is he helping you through your stuff?”

Exasperated Edward sighed loudly and said “For the love of god, why won't you give it a rest?”

“Because you're my friend too and I don't want to see you hurt either. I want this to be a good thing for you, for both of you.” She explained.

“Bella, for the last fucking time I don't need a counselor. Stop trying to be mine. We are friends and I wish you would stop analyzing me and just be that, my friend.” Edward was nearly shouting at her. I could hear his footsteps get farther away as he walked away from the room.

It took a few minutes before Dr. Swan or Bella as Edward had called her walked into the room. She looked stressed. Good. “Are you ready to talk to me today?”

“I sure as hell am not.” I seethed. I didn't want her here. I didn't want to open up to her, she wouldn't, couldn't understand. How could she not be just Edward's friend? That alone irked me. I knew there was a reason I didn't like her.

Emmett sat up and wiped his face. He looked at me and then back at Dr. Swan with bleary eyes. “Jasper, I'm gonna go now. I'll let you talk to the counselor. I've gotta call Rosie anyway.” Emmett said before exiting the room.

The entire time Dr. Swan was in the room I didn't speak, again. I wouldn't even look at her today. Before she left I heard her mumble under her breath “I hope Edward does a better job breaking down your walls than I'm apparently able to do.” Go away, bitch. Bring Edward back and just go the fuck away.

I wanted, no, needed to climb that mountain, needed to find the strength to push myself just that little bit harder. I wanted to be able to breathe once again. I needed to do it for Edward. I needed to do it for me. Could I do it? I had no idea. I knew it would be a hard road and I'd probably change my mind once again, wanting to kill myself again, just like always. It was always like that, the battle my mind went through. One minute I'd want to live, to enjoy life, the next I wanted no more of it, it was too hard to live in it.

AN: How Edward talks about Bella and feels about her analyzing is exactly how I feel about my own best friend a good majority of the time, yes, she's a psychiatrist. She drives me absolutely up the fucking walls with her rhetoric. We can't even go to a movie without her trying to give me unwanted advice. Most of the time I'm thinking she should take her own damn advice. She doesn't listen to me, can't even remember I hate tea after nineteen years of friendship.