Strange Desire: Chapter Thirteen

Strange Desire: Chapter Thirteen

AN: I struggled with this chapter, big time. Anyway, I have part of the chapter written for meeting the parents and all, but as I'm sick nothing was coming out quite right, so this is what you get instead. Amazingly I feel worse than when I had the flu. Nice Christmas present, isn't it? I'm feeling a little high as I write this, so I really hope this doesn't come out stupid. One of you requested this point of view anyway, you know who you are. I wasn't going to do it, I didn't think it was good enough. Anyway, Merry Christmas!

Characters belong to SM

EPOV

Was it a dream? Did Jasper really say all those things to me yesterday? Looking down at Jasper he looked peaceful, that made me happy. While in the hospital, even when he was asleep, his brow was furrowed like he was in pain. This was the first time he'd looked at peace in a while.

Kissing Jasper's neck he sighed and pushed back against me. Still asleep his hand reached out and laid over the one of mine that was across his stomach.

Thinking back over last night I was worried that Jasper only said those things because he was still in a state of confusion, but I hoped not. Yesterday I could hear his heart race underneath my ear and asked “Jasper, why is your heart racing?”

He just shook his head and said “It's nothing.”

“It's not nothing, Jazz.” I said and kissed the jugular in his neck. “I can feel your blood racing right now.” It was moving rapidly as though his blood wanted to run even if his body couldn't. My hand cupped his face and I whispered “Just tell me.”

Jasper wouldn't look at me, his eyes were closed as he told me the fears he had. The fears he had that our parents would try to make us 'normal' again flowed from his mouth. The fears he had that he couldn't take anything back, that once it was out there, it was out there, and if we didn't work out then what would happen? “Look at me, Jasper.” I commanded and his eyes opened watching me carefully. I was relieved, he had been taking this all a little 'too well' as far as I was concerned. It was nice to see that he had given this some thought. “Jasper, this is normal, how you are feeling right now. I honestly have been a little worried that you hadn't fully come to terms with this, with us. Almost like I was a good time until something better came along.”

“Edward, I love you, but I'm terrified.” He pleaded with me to understand.

Straddling him I leaned my head down to his ear and said “I'm terrified too. Although I want you to know that I will love you the rest of my life. I'll be with you as long as you want me.” That was true, I loved him and always would, no matter what happened to us. I had already loved him most of my life even when we weren't together, I didn't expect that to change. Then I kissed his neck and pulled away looking at him.

Taking a shaky breath he said “I know you will. I want to be with you for good too. I just can't help worrying right now.” He what? For good? No, surely it was the illness talking. He couldn't really mean that. That's what I wanted, but him? No, it couldn't be. I loved him so much, but I always had a niggling doubt in my mind that he didn't feel the same way, feel as much.

My body stilled above his before I got off him and sat down. I pulled him up so he was sitting in front of me. “Jasper, do you mean that?” I questioned him while passing a hand over my face. He couldn't mean it.

“Yes, I mean that. I want to be with you, but I'm scared.” Jasper told me searching my face. I didn't find any doubt or hesitation there as I did the same to him.

Speechless, all I could was stare at him. It took me a good five minutes to move. He loved me. I mean he really loved me. Jasper began to fidget under my gaze and I blinked and wrapped my arms around him. He laid his head on my shoulder and his own arms went around my waist. I held onto him tightly, so he couldn't move. I felt my heart swell at this beautiful creature who wanted me, loved me. He'd nearly been taken from me, but I'd gotten him back and he still loved me. I couldn't help the tears that flowed from my eyes. I didn't want them to fall, but they did anyway. I only held onto him tighter afraid that he was still a figment of my imagination, that he'd disappear when I let go. That all of this, all that we had shared would disappear, that it was just a dream.

We stayed locked in our embrace for a good while before I finally relaxed my grip on him. He sighed and let go of me. I got up and walked away from him to my room. Taking a few deep breaths to pull myself together I found a washcloth and cleaned myself up. Then I got a washcloth and went back out to him to clean him up. He still had the condom on, too exhausted to move from his position on the floor. Removing it I cleaned him off very carefully before throwing away the condom and putting the washcloth in the hamper.

Coming back to him I leaned down and put my hands under his arms to pull him up. “Time to go to bed, Jazz.” I told him.

“I don't want to go to bed.” He argued. Of course he argued, he had bouts of going back and forth between being angry, confused, to thoughtful or childlike.

“Jasper, you can't even walk by yourself anymore. It's time for you to get in bed.” I maintained.

Sighing he said “I don't want to be in a bed anymore if I don't have to be. Being in one for a week was enough for me. Just let me lay down on the couch or something instead.” He battled. Who was I to argue? He had a point. I know I'd be tired of being in the damn bed all day.

“Fine, Jasper. Now pick up one foot in front of the other.” I commanded as he stood there, unmoving. Tiredly he placed one foot tentatively on the floor. Jasper walked slowly and carefully back to the couch.

“I'll be right back, Jasper.” I said getting up again. Jasper made some sort of annoyed sound at me when I walked to my room.

Changing quickly into a pair of pajama pants I grabbed another pair and walked back out to Jasper, back to my home. He gave me an annoyed look and huffed to go along with the sound I'd heard earlier. Ignoring it I sat on the floor and placed one of his feet in each leg before shimmying them up. I had to pick his hips up to get them pulled up over his ass. He was too exhausted to do it himself.

Standing up I started to pick our clothes off the floor to get them out of the way and to stay out of Jasper's way for the moment. He was definitely annoyed with me and I didn't want to push his buttons knowing that temper would still be close to the surface. It took weeks, sometimes months for the anger to subside. “Edward, please sit down with me.” He snapped out harshly.

Inhaling deeply I nodded and sat beside him. What should I do? I didn't want to make him mad, we'd just shared this really intimate moment and I didn't want it ruined. “Edward, what the fuck is your problem?” He huffed.

“Nothing, really. I just know you are still dealing with some anger and confusion left from that illness. I'm trying to stay out of your way.” I replied honestly.

Angrily he hissed “Well, that isn't helping, it's just making it worse.” I sighed and looked at my hands. His anger was pretty outrageous for him sometimes, but sometimes it was pretty damn funny. I could still remember the looks on Emmett and Rosalie's faces as Jasper told them he had a boyfriend to fuck. The memory made me smile. It reminded me we had to tell our other friends that Jasper was better.

Picking up my phone I said “We have people to call.” Jasper groaned at me. Apparently he didn't feel like talking. I sat on the end of the couch pulling him with me until his head ended up in my lap.

Calling Bella and Jacob first I waited while the phone rang and ran my hands in Jasper's hair without thinking. Jasper let out a deep purr. My hand stilled and my eyes were wide as I looked down at him, I'd never heard that sound before. I shook my head when Bella answered the phone.

“Hey, Edward. What are you calling for? Is Jasper okay?” She sounded worried.

“Hey, Bella. I just wanted to let you know Jasper got his memory back last night.” I told her.

She screeched and shouted at me “Why didn't you tell me before now? Last night, Edward? He got his memory back last night and you are just now getting around to telling me? You couldn't tell me before now?”

I rolled my eyes at her over the phone before I said “No, I couldn't tell you before now. We had... catching up to do.” When I looked at Jasper he seemed amused as though he was trying not to laugh, my own lips twitched a little.

“So can we do something with you guys tomorrow? I'd like to see you together with both of you healthy, so would Jake.” She told me.

I could hear Jacob in the background saying “Leave me out of this.”

“I don't know. Let me ask.” I told her. Looking down at him I asked “Do you feel up to hanging out with them tomorrow?” I really hoped he'd say no. I didn't want to share Jasper with anyone else for a while, he was mine. Nor did I think he'd be the best company right now.

Contemplating he said “No. Why don't we do something with them the weekend after we get back from home.” I nodded at him and relayed what he said. She sounded a little disappointed, but I thought it was for the best. The anger he had was still just there laying right under the surface ready to explode at any time. They never had hung around Jasper enough to know that he wasn't normally that way. For the most part, he was calm and collected unless it came to me or something really made him angry. It seemed as though our upcoming trip home was making the anger and irritation worse for him.

After calling Jamie as well with no answer I got off the phone and looked down at him. My eyes softened and I ran my other hand down his chest. “Are you ready to go to bed yet?” I asked him. He probably didn't want to, but his yawn said it was time. I stood up and helped him get up and led him back to bed. Lying down behind him I put my arm around his waist and kissed his neck. “Good night, Jazz. I love you.” I breathed. I did, I loved him more than anything in the world.

“Good night, Edward. I love you too.” He replied back before closing his eyes and relaxing into me.

Coming back to the present I stroked Jasper's bare stomach hoping to wake him up. This was the only day other than yesterday I would have with Jasper for the next two and a half weeks. I would be working every night starting tonight until then after not working for a week while Jasper was in the hospital. Then when I'd finally be off again we were going home to finally tell our parents we were together. I wanted to enjoy this short amount of time we had.

Kissing Jasper's shoulder I worked my way up to his neck and to his ear where I whispered “You are beautiful. Wake up for me, Jazz.” Pressing my obvious erection against his ass I heard him moan.

Stirring against me I could see the corner of his mouth tilt upwards in a smile before he slowly turned towards me. “Eager this morning?” He questioned me.

I laughed and said “For you, always. Please spend time with me today, we won't get much time together for a while after today.” Then I kissed the corner of his mouth. Having nothing to do with a barely there kiss Jasper captured my bottom lip between his and nibbled and sucked on it. This I needed, I felt like I was melting into the bed, into him. I was becoming part of him, no longer separate from him.

Pushing Jasper's shoulders flat to the bed I sat up. Jasper frowned at me and asked “Where are you going?”

Grinning at him I said “Nowhere.” Then I threw the covers off that had been around our hips to the bottom of the bed, out of the way. Crawling between his legs I let my hands skim up his thighs over the fabric of the pajama bottoms feeling the muscles there, they had softened a little after being sick and in bed for so long.

Kissing his stomach first my lips moved down dipping into his navel. Jasper laughed at the feeling and put his hands in my hair. Jasper's voice came out in a hoarse whisper “Please, stop.” I didn't. Stopping for only a second I kissed around his belly button before my tongue licked it again. This time Jasper laughed harder and barely got out “Fuck, that tickles.” Smiling against him I continued to tease him a little more before finally giving him mercy. Jasper's breathing was ragged from laughing so hard.

“I didn't know you were ticklish there.” I commented.

Jasper rasped out “Neither did I. No one's ever done that to me, other than you. You must be doing something different, it didn't tickle last time.”

Smiling at him I said “I'll have to remember that then.” Jasper groaned at me. Where was I before I got side-tracked? Oh yeah, on my way to making love to my boyfriend.

Placing my hands on Jasper's shoulders I kissed his neck, softly sucking. Moaning at me Jasper's hands ran down my back and past the waistband of my pajama pants to grab my ass. Why did I think we needed to put these on again? He squeezed my ass pressing me into him and I came back to thinking just about him and him alone.

Kissing his lips gently at first our mouths molded together before our tongues danced against each other's. Capturing his tongue in my mouth I sucked on it, hard. Jasper writhed underneath me and groaned.

Lifting my head up I looked at his blue eyes, they had darkened from baby blue to a steely blue color. It was the first time I'd ever noticed that color in his eyes. Licking his lips I skimmed his tongue before kissing his eyelids. “Edward, please...” Jasper begged.

“Please what?” I asked him tauntingly.

If looks could kill I would be dead right now. “Please make love to me.” He pleaded.

My lips made their way down from his own lips, down his chest, stomach and finally to the top of his pants. Using my teeth I carefully pulled his pajama pants down slowly revealing how much he wanted me. Tugging his pants off I stared at him, at my beautiful man. Beautiful isn't a word you'd normally use to describe a man, but to me it was the appropriate term. “Beautiful.” I said out loud and heard Jasper moan at me.

Removing my own pants quickly I went back up to his lips kissing him gently as our bare bodies grazed against the other. Pulling away from him my arm reached out to the bedside drawer before Jasper said “Looking for this?” He held a condom in his hand and the bottle of lube was beside him. When did he get a chance to do that without me noticing? Shaking my head and coming back to reality I took the condom from him.

Scooting down his body my mouth took in the head of his cock licking around it. Grabbing the bottle of lube I poured some onto my fingers and spread his ass cheeks just for me. Circling a finger around his hole I felt Jasper squirm under me. Pushing one finger into his ass he moaned as I pumped it in and out. Replacing one finger with two, I scissored his hole as he relaxed into it. Using my other hand I tugged on his balls before pressing into his perineum. “Fuck...” Jasper growled out, he liked that then. Sucking the head of his cock just a little longer I finally let go and removed my hands from him as well.

Picking up the condom I tore the wrapper open and rolled it down my cock. Jasper groaned watching me. Then he picked up the bottle of lube and covered my cock in the lube before begging me “Now. I need you, now.”

Placing my head at his entrance I pushed in slowly making sure he relaxed enough for me to go in further. Buried in him finally I started thrusting in and out as Jasper wrapped his arms around me and rolled us over. He grinned at me, on top now, before taking control. Fuck, he moved faster than I ever would have. I would have been afraid of hurting him.

With his knees on either side of me he pushed himself up and down my cock letting me watch him. He felt so good, so warm, so tight around me. My eyes traveled down from his face to his chest and abs to his beautiful cock. Yes, I even thought his cock was beautiful too. Licking my hand I reached down to stroke him watching as Jasper's eyes rolled back and he growled out. As he moved faster and faster over me I pumped him faster. I could feel him starting to tighten up. Jasper looked down at me and smiled sucking his finger into his mouth. Reaching behind him he pushed that finger into my ass sending me right over the edge. Breathing a sigh of relief that he'd gotten me off he concentrated on himself. My hand had slowed down on his cock as my body had gone rigid with my own release. He placed his hand over mine and moved it for me before letting go and shooting his load over both our hands and stomachs. Leaning down he sighed in contentment. Kissing my lips he said “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I replied not wanting to move. Holding Jasper close to me I kissed his lips before whispering “Beautiful.” Jasper rolled his eyes at me, but I didn't care, that's what he was to me.

Eventually we got up and took a shower to get cleaned up. The rest of the day we spent alternately sleeping, making love or eating with no interruptions. It was, all in all, a good day. Time for me to get ready for work I got out of bed and went to my room to take a quick shower and put on scrubs. When I walked back out to the living room Jasper was sitting there on the couch with his laptop next to him. He was reading intently. “What's got you so interested in that screen?” I asked him.

Looking up at me Jasper smiled and said “Some of my students sent me e-mails telling me to get well. It's just nice to know some of them actually cared.” Sitting down next to him he asked “Do you remember the girl from my class that stood up for me the day you were there?” I nodded at him, how could I forget anything about that day? “She told me she was going to beat me up if I didn't get better because she had to take my other history class. Apparently she's already taken this class with another professor and failed it and was happy she finally understood what was going on.”

“That's great, Jazz. I know you don't like that job most of the time, but at least you are having some positive influence over a few of your students.” I told him, happy that he'd finally felt a little bit appreciated. Everyone needed to feel that way, even if they didn't say so.

Putting the laptop on the coffee table Jasper turned to me and said “Tomorrow I'm going up to the school to get my students finals. I don't trust someone else to grade them right.”

Frowning at him I asked “Are you sure? You are still a little bit confused sometimes about things.”

Fury passed across his face and he seethed “I'm not confused about history. I didn't forget a damn thing about that, not one damn thing. I still remember the names and dates of everything. It's everything else I seem to have forgotten.”

“Okay Jasper, calm down.” I said attempting to soothe him. Standing up Jasper went to his bedroom and shut the door, sulking. Sighing I wondered what I should do now. Should I leave him there to sulk or apologize? In the end I decided to leave him there, I had a feeling if I tried to apologize it would only add to the fury.

Leaving the apartment I made my way to the elevator and punched the button. “Edward, wait.” Jasper shouted down the hall at me. Catching up to me he put his arms around me and said “I'm sorry. I overreacted.” His lips met mine before he pleaded “Forgive me, please.”

“It's okay, Jasper. It's okay. I know you aren't yourself right now.” I replied. Attacking my lips this time he kissed me hard in front of the elevator doors. Forgetting that we weren't the only two people in the world we didn't pull apart until we heard an 'oof' from next to us as someone walked straight into us.

Pulling apart we looked at each other before looking to the side. Jamie was standing there rubbing his forehead as he'd apparently walked into us when he stepped off the elevator. “I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention.” He said before he even looked up. Recognition passed over his face before he grinned widely and turned to me asking “I take it Jasper is better then?”

Annoyed at him Jasper said “I'm not invisible, you know. I'm standing right here, Jamie.”

Gasping at Jasper, Jamie asked “You remember me?”

Snorting at him Jasper answered “How could I forget someone like you?” Oh crap, I hoped Jamie didn't take that the wrong way. Jasper would explode if he did.

Looking amused Jamie said “I have no idea. I'm unforgettable, you know.” Relief washed through me at his answer.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him.

“Oh, I'm on my way to visit Em and Rose. I thought I'd check up on Jasper too while I was already here.” He told me. He was visiting Emmett and Rosalie? Did I miss something in the hospital? How the hell had they become friends? More importantly, how the hell did Emmett become friends with someone like Jamie? He had trouble accepting us in the beginning, so I was more than confused by this.

Emmett stepped out of his apartment door and shouted “I thought I heard familiar voices.”

“Hey, Em. I was just coming to see you when I ran into these guys, literally.” Jamie greeted back. Jasper chuckled. Damn, I had to go to work. I think I'd much rather stay here right now.

“Well, come on, then. Jasper, you might as well come over too seeing as Edward has to work.” Emmett told them.

“Just a minute.” Jasper said and turned back to me before his lips landed on mine. “I'll miss you. Have fun at work.”

“I'll miss you too.” I said before punching the elevator button again.

The doors opened and I stepped in as I heard Emmett shout “Don't worry about Jasper. I'll get him back into shape while you're working.” I laughed when I heard Jasper groan and the elevator doors shut leaving me alone.