Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Eighteen

Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Eighteen

AN: This is dedicated to someone that just can't get enough Edward, you know who you are, haha. Anyway, this is the same scene as last chapter, with a few added things, but from Edward's point of view. It's still sad, but as it's from Edward's more healed mind, maybe not as much.

Characters belong to SM, my sad story.

EPOV

Sitting on the cold tile floor with Jasper I wondered just what brought this on. The dream he'd had was terrifying for him I could tell. He'd been telling someone to leave, I was guessing after they'd called him baby. Shit, such a small, innocent word and it took on a whole different meaning to him. Whatever this was though was worse, so much worse. He'd had a flashback I knew, I'd had plenty of my own that I wasn't at all surprised by it.

I was holding his hand after he woke and the next thing I knew he was across the bed, panting, looking around in terror. What happened? I wondered if he'd ever tell me what brought this on.

He wasn't there in the room with me anymore, he'd been transported back in time, shadows descending.

Touching his shoulder I tried to bring him back to the present and out of the abyss. He knocked the wind out of me as he elbowed me hard. I should have known better, he didn't even know where he was right now. As far as I knew he was still there living through that nightmare. Turning around on me I knew he wanted to hit me until he recognized me and where he was.

Jasper sank to the floor and laid his head down on it. He looked wounded and fearful, I wasn't sure if it was for himself or the other boys, the ones I was forced to watch. He couldn't be left alone now, not for a single second, if he was it'd all be over. I knew he would succeed next time.

He looked absolutely horrible, he was crying and screaming, and trying to protect the boys he couldn't in his mind. Then I watched as he nearly stopped breathing, the pain was too great.

“Jasper?” I screamed his name over and over again to get him to come back to me, afraid to touch him.

“Doc?” Angela came running into the room, wondering why I was screaming. When she saw Jasper on the floor she tried to move closer, but I shooed her out of the room. Jasper wouldn't be better if there were more people here right now.

Finally, finally, he looked up at me, came back to the here and now.

Closing his eyes again he laid his head back down. My heart was squeezed tight for this man, for his pain so precious. I couldn't understand why I'd feel that way, but he shouldn't live this way. I'd fought and fought hard to get to where I was now, I only hoped he had the strength to do the same. I still wasn't too sure that he did. Could I ask him what brought it on or would it only make it worse?

Sitting down on the floor beside Jasper I waited until Jasper could pull himself together. “Jasper? It's okay now. Whatever happened is in the past, that man can't hurt you anymore if you don't let him.” Slowly he opened his eyes to look at me, but without lifting his head. “He has power over you because you've given it to him, Jasper. Take your power back, fight for it.” He looked as though the terror he had was subsiding.

Sitting up finally he looked at me and said “I don't know how.”

Reaching out one hand toward him I very carefully picked up his hands and turned it over showing him the inside of his arms. The wounds were starting to heal, but they were still there, still red. “Jasper, it won't be easy. It will probably be the most difficult thing you've ever done in your life, to continue pushing forward, living after what was done to you is not easy and never will be.” Then tracing my finger over the cuts I said “Don't give him the power or the satisfaction of taking your life. You have the power there, it's all in your hands. Now you must decide what you are going to do with it. Talk about it, get better, fight. Or be weak and end it all and throw life away for a subhuman.” These were words that had been spoken to me and helped me more than anyone else. They were told to me by someone that had gone through the same thing, not a counselor that didn't have a clue what it was like.

Jasper pulled away from me putting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He needed strength, courage, to fight that man and the presence he left behind. It was time for him to grow thicker skin or he'd never make it out of this world in one piece.

Waiting a few minutes on the floor like that I finally took his hands away from his face and pulled him up off the floor with me.

Jasper crawled back into the hospital bed I was sure he hated by now. I resumed my seat and picked up his hand once again, every injured soul needs a silent hand to hold.

Looking down at my hand he looked like he was somewhere else, but fortunately this time, not in a bad place. I wondered what he was thinking about. As if he read my mind his eyes lifted to mine, the sad blue made my breath catch. “The last person to ever hold my hand other than you and Alice was my mother before she died.” He seemed to choke on sobs as he spoke. His parents were probably the reason he had lived for as long as he did and now that they were both gone, there was nothing worth living for. This pain I really couldn't understand as I still had both my parents, but I tried to lend him whatever strength I could. I didn't speak, I had no idea what to say, I just held onto his hand tighter, still afraid of doing anything else.

The tears flowed silently down his face and he wiped them away frantically with his free hand. “This is stupid, I shouldn't be crying.”

“It's not stupid, you've dealt with a lot of shit. It's not stupid.” I told him, meaning it, still resisting the urge to hug him.

Jasper closed his eyes and slowly blew out his breath. I watched as his pink lips came together as he did it and really had to keep myself in the reality of this situation, it wouldn't be appropriate to kiss a patient at all, nor would it be appropriate at this point in his life. I was afraid that just might send him right over the edge.

Opening his eyes again Jasper took a deep breath and whispered “It was the laughter.” What?

“Whose laughter?” I asked him curiously.

“That man's, someone else in the hall reminded me of it.” He stated. Fuck, I remembered that laugh too, my stomach flipped thinking about it. “I just remembered why I don't like it when people call me... b... ba... baby.” He stuttered out the end, afraid to say the word himself. The word only had power because he gave it power, but it was doubtful that it would ever lose its hold on his mind, no matter how long he lived. I was shocked he volunteered that information to be honest.

“It's okay, Jasper, you don't have to tell me anything else.” I soothed, he looked like he was about to panic.

“No, I want to. I don't know anyone else I can even tell this stuff to.” He pleaded with me to listen, I nodded my head. Jasper proceeded to tell me the nightmare and then the subsequent flashback he'd had. It was sad, but not a shock, I understood.