Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Nine

Scars and Nightmares: Chapter Nine

AN: A little bit of Edward this time. Thanks to everyone who has continued to read this story even though it's not easy.

Characters belong to SM, this story is still all mine.

EPOV

Leaving Jasper's side I paused outside the door, unable to breathe. I felt excruciating pain and fear, fear that he would succeed next time in ending his life. Why did I even care? I barely knew him. The only thing I did know is that I was drawn to him. I was wary, was it attraction or was it our pasts?

His nightmare I witnessed firsthand last night was unnerving. He talked and screamed and thrashed around. I had to wake him up, I had too. How the hell did he ever manage to be with anyone with nightmares like that? It seemed to me that he was unable to let go, that man had damaged his young impressionable mind too much.

Snapping me out of it Angela asked “Hey Edward, are you okay?” I shook my head no. How was I supposed to tell her what was going on?

“All right. Do you need to talk about it?” She peered behind me into Jasper's room. No, I didn't want to fucking talk about it.

“I don't think I can, right now.” I told her and sat down running my hand over my face.

She sat down beside me and said “That's okay.” Smiling at me she asked “Is that a friend of yours?” In the back of my mind I wondered if Jasper was my friend, if we ever had any sort of relationship outside of this hospital, if it would end in his funeral by his own hand.

Shaking my head no I said “No, I just met him yesterday. He's a friend of Emmett's.”

“Really?” She questioned. “You mean to tell me you slept in that room all night with someone you hardly know?” Nodding at her she laughed and said “Edward, please tell me that boy is gay too.” I snorted at her. What difference did it make? He wanted to die.

Looking at her for the first time this morning she looked tired. “Isn't it time for you to go home?” I asked her.

“Yeah, I'm exhausted and I have to work the night shift again tonight.” Angela answered me yawning before asking her own question. “Will you be here again tonight?”

“I was planning on it.” I told her. “Thanks Ang, for giving me a blanket.” I said remembering that I'd been covered with one this morning and I knew I didn't get up and get it.

She giggled and said “Only for you, doc.” Angela and I had been friends since college. We'd been in the same study group before I'd gone on to medical school. Needless to say she'd been a nurse longer than I'd been a doctor.

Angela and Bella were the only two people in this hospital I called by their first names, unless it was in front of another patient. Angela was still sweet, but I wondered how long that would last. Most nurses didn't stay nurses with that sweetness, they couldn't, it hurt too much. It was rare that they ever retained it.

Wrinkling her nose Angela said "Morning breath."

I laughed and asked "That bad?" She nodded her head at me before she jumped up and went to her purse. Rummaging through it she pulled out a plastic bag.

"Here, this ought to help." She told me handing me the bag. Inside was a toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss. "I don't use any of this stuff, it just takes up space in my purse every time I see the dentist."

"Uh, thanks." I said. My patients would probably prefer the doctor with minty breath over the one with morning breath.

"You're welcome." She replied smiling happily, even though it was a sleepy one.

Hearing heavy footsteps walking down the hall both of us turned our heads. Emmett was there plodding slowly and looking pale. He appeared in a daze as he came towards us. "Hey, Emmett." I called out to him.

Turning his head to look at me he blinked his eyes a few times and looked, if possible, even paler. He was nearly green. Swallowing hard he mumbled out "Hey." Not saying anything else he walked into Jasper's room and sat in the chair with his head on the bed. I could see his shoulders shaking from here. There wasn't anything I could do for him though, so I left him alone.

Getting up to make my rounds I said “Good night, Angela. Say hi to Ben for me.” I'd introduced her to her husband Ben several years ago. Saying her goodbyes she got up to give her report to the next nurse before leaving.

Walking into the first bathroom I came across I pulled out the toothbrush and toothpaste from the plastic bag and began cleaning my teeth. Looking into the mirror I thought about the differences between Jasper and me. I had no visible or self-inflicted scars on my body. The only ones that were still there were the ones that man put there. Placing my hand on my chest I could see in my mind the scar that ran down the center of my chest and curled around my stomach ending in a J. My father had wanted me to see a plastic surgeon to see what they could do about removing it. He thought it would cause more problems being there as a reminder on a daily basis. I wouldn't let him. Although it sometimes brought up questions I didn't want to answer, I was weirdly proud of it. Proud that I'd survived, proud that I'd destroyed that man. I did felt guilt sometimes at taking someone's life, even if it was such a monster, but pride was always a little more prominent. He couldn't hurt anyone else again after me killing him. To me even though he raped me so many times and I still struggled from it, it seemed as though that was the reason he took me. In my mind I was the one that was supposed to end him.

Sometimes I wondered if I'd shown him too much mercy. Maybe he should have had to live with everyone knowing who he was and what he'd done. Then again if I hadn't killed him or only succeeded in injuring him I would probably be the one that was dead now.

Finishing up and rinsing out my mouth I put everything back in the plastic bag and stuck it one of my pockets. I had to get out of this bathroom and the silence before I had anymore random thoughts.

Going about my business my day seemed to drag by. There was only one place I wanted to be right now and I wasn't there. Bumping into Bella a couple of times I tried avoiding her as much as possible. She would ask me questions, questions I didn't want to answer. She was the only one aside from my family that ever knew what happened to me, we'd been friends since high school. According to her I was the reason she became a psychiatrist, and also my worst fucking nightmare. We seemed to argue more now than we ever had before.