Strange Desire: Chapter Eleven

Strange Desire: Chapter Eleven

AN: Some of you were confused about the last chapter, but that would be because Jasper was confused. Anyway, this chapter is a bit shorter, but I hope I clear up anything you didn't understand.

Characters belong to SM

EPOV

Lying in bed I watched Jasper sleep. We were home, finally. Thank god all those papers had been signed before coming into the hospital. The past week had terrified me. Did Jasper even know he was in the hospital that long or even what day it was? He was so confused most of the time he was in the hospital and even before we got there. Today he should be giving out finals, which he obviously wasn't capable of doing. I'd had a tough time trying to get everything settled with his job, our dad had taken the test materials from Jasper's briefcase up to the school. I hoped everything went all right there. As of yesterday I didn't even know if he was going to remember enough to grade the exams and tried to make arrangements in case it wasn't possible.

Calling our parents had been tough. Who wants to call someone to tell them their son was that sick, especially when you are closely attached to all of the people involved? Our dad asked me how I knew all that was going on before he even got there. I had to tell them about Jasper giving me medical power of attorney. I'd had to explain to them that I'd asked him to be mine first and that he wanted me to be his, since we lived closer than they did. Both of them exchanged meaningful glances at each other at that and at several other things either I said or Jasper did, which made me think that Emmett was right, they knew, they had to. Neither of them said anything though, waiting for us to come to them. While Jasper was in the hospital and incapable of remembering I didn't think it was a good idea yet and was glad Jasper agreed to wait. I was still terrified of telling them, I needed him to lend some strength for when we did.

Right before Jasper had lost so much of his memory he'd had a seizure from his fever becoming too high. I never thought he'd lose big chunks of his memory like that though. He didn't even remember having the seizure, which was a good thing. It had scared the shit out of me, the seizure he'd had was severe. He's lucky that he didn't end up with permanent brain damage. I almost wondered if he'd had smaller seizures during the course of his illness that we weren't even aware of. Even though I knew it could happen, it's different when it's a stranger it's happening to rather than someone you love.

Jasper only acknowledged our parents, Emmett and me. Others had come to see him and spoke directly to him. It was as if they didn't exist. When he looked at them it was as if he was looking right through them, he didn't hear or respond to any of them, at all. Rosalie had come to see him with Emmett a few times and she tried to talk to him each time, no response. Bella had come with Jacob and she'd cried most of the time she was there. She kept looking at Jasper and then at me, so I didn't know if she was crying because Jasper was in here or because of what he meant to me and then him not being able to remember me. Even Jamie stopped by to visit and tried to joke around with everyone else, to cheer them up. I didn't know if he managed to cheer up the somber atmosphere in the room or not, I was too upset myself. He did manage to charm the hospital staff though. I could hear them laughing at whatever he told them.

Silently I thanked god that Emmett had forced Jasper into the car and on to the hospital. I don't think I ever would have gotten him there. If his fever and headache and stiff neck weren't alarming enough to me, his confusion and anger sent off warning bells in my mind. I knew what he had before it was confirmed. We'd just needed the right strain of bacteria identified to give him the correct antibiotics as well as myself. As we'd passed bodily fluids and lived together it was far more likely that I'd get it than anyone else. I wondered if the bacteria was running its course over the college campus. I hadn't actually been working while Jasper was sick, instead staying with him at all times and nearly coming unglued when they tried to remove me and tell me to go home. I couldn't go, what if something happened to him? What if I lost more of him than I already had? I was sure the hospital staff had figured out we were together by now. No one said anything to me though as I rarely ever shared my personal life with anyone there, then again I hadn't gone back to work on a normal day without a sick lover.

Smoothing Jasper's hair back with my hand I decided we'd had enough bad stuff for a while. It was time to celebrate. Celebrate our love, our friends, our family, his getting well again. Thank god school was out for him, I wasn't sure he could handle going back to that right after this. Jasper burrowed himself into the bed more, comfortable finally after being in a hospital bed. Holding him close to me I kissed his forehead, it was cool under my lips this time. Jasper smiled at me and held on tightly, as well. Eventually his eyelids fluttered open and he smiled at me. “Good morning, Edward.” He said and sighed happily. “I had the most wonderful dream.” He told me.

“Yeah? What was it about?” I asked him.

“I dreamt that I was running after you. I could hear your voice, but I couldn't see you. Then I finally found you. You were there to catch me, this time.” Jasper explained. Was I supposed to get the significance of this? As my brow furrowed he continued answering my unspoken question “I dreamt that I ran and ran after you before and I never could find you, before I lost my memory.”

Smiling at him I swept his hair away from his face moving one of the curls that had fallen over his eye and kissed his lips. Jasper kissed me back before sitting up. When he looked down at me he tilted his head to the side and said “I just now realized I've lived with you more years than I've lived with our parents.”

Laughing at him I sat up and said “Yes, you have. Now I think it's time we called them to give them the good news that you are better.”

“Okay, but don't forget we need to make arrangements to see them soon.” Jasper reminded me, as if I could forget.

“Are you ready to tell them?” Jasper asked me.

“As ready as I'm ever going to be. I think Emmett's right though, I think they know.” I told him about how they'd acted in the hospital and he nodded, picking at the sheets in front of him. He was just as nervous about that as I was, that could be a good thing as we were in it together or a bad thing if one of us fell apart.

“Before I call them what do you want to do today? We can stay in bed all day or do something else.” I commented.

Wrinkling his nose at the thought of being in bed all day he said “I've been in bed too long. Let's go outside. I need to see the sky, it's been a while since I've been able to see it during the daytime.” I laughed and agreed. What would we spend our day doing then? First, I had to call our parents. They were on top of the agenda of things to get out of the way first. Then we could spend the day together and then tell our friends after they got home from their respective jobs.

Finding my cellphone I called our parents house. Esme answered the phone “Hello? Edward, is everything okay? Is Jasper okay?”

“Yeah, he's fine. He's better than fine, actually. Jasper got his memory back last night.” I told her.

Crying she said “Oh thank god. I wasn't sure he ever would. That must have been terrible for you.”

“Yes, but no worse than what it was for you.” I replied.

“Hmm... I know it was bad for us, for him not to remember, but you've been together so long, gone through so much and you live with him.” She said. To me it sounded like she was fishing. I would tell her, but not over the phone.

Changing the subject I asked “Do you want to talk to Jasper?”

“Sure, Edward. Oh and before I let you go, thank you for taking care of him. Don't forget to call Carlisle at the hospital, he's working today.” She told me.

“No problem. We'll talk to you soon. Here's, Jasper.” I said handing him the phone.

“Hey, mom.” Jasper said cheerily taking the phone. I could imagine Esme's smile as her son called her mom, that he remembered. He seemed like he was listening intently to something she had to say. “Yeah, well we planned on coming to see you this summer while I'm not teaching.” He nodded his head at her as though she could see it and then said “Yes, I can't wait to see you too. Bye.” Then he handed the phone back to me.

Looking at me he blew out his breath and said “Now we have to make a trip home. She made me promise.” I laughed.

Calling Carlisle at work I had to wait patiently before anyone could get a hold of him. In the meantime Jasper placed kisses on my chest making me moan. Fuck, I hoped Carlisle didn't answer when I did that. “Jasper, what are you doing? I thought you wanted to go outside.” I said hoping to stop him.

Grinning at me he said “What does it look like I'm doing? I'm kissing the man I love. I still want to go outside, that doesn't mean I can't kiss you while I'm waiting, does it?” Without waiting for an answer he kissed lower and lower before pushing me flat on the bed. Fuck.

“Hello? Edward?” Carlisle's voice came over the phone.

“Yeah, I just wanted to call and tell you Jasper is better. He finally got his memory back.” I told him trying not to moan out loud as Jasper was sucking on my balls.

“That's great. How did he get it back? Do you know?” He asked me. Grinning at me wickedly Jasper kissed the head of my cock before I saw his pink tongue swirl over it before taking just the head into his mouth. Fuck. I was on the fucking phone, with our parents no less. What the hell was he thinking? It was like he wanted to get caught. Maybe he did.

“Edward? Are you still there?” Carlisle asked me. Oh fuck.

“Yeah...” I barely got that out as Jasper took in more of my cock.

“And? How did he get his memory back?” Carlisle sounded exasperated.

“Um... oh yeah, it was just something I said. It triggered another memory.” I answered distractedly.

“Okay, well what did you say?” He asked me. I groaned both at Jasper and about telling Carlisle what I'd said.

“It's not important.” I replied.

“Of course it's important or it wouldn't have made him remember. Edward, it's okay if you don't want to tell me, I understand.” He told me gently. Shit, they knew. There was no denying it to myself anymore. At least they didn't reject me for it, but I still wasn't sure how much they knew. I mean they might have figured out I loved Jasper, but I didn't know if they knew we were truly together. If I didn't get off the phone soon though Carlisle would know without a doubt as Jasper was sucking on my cock hard. I was biting back moans of pleasure the entire time I was on the phone.

“I've got to get back to work, Edward. Why don't you two come see us soon?” He asked and I laughed. I could feel Jasper smile around me when I laughed.

“You've been talking to Esme, haven't you? She's already made Jasper promise that we would come home.” I replied.

“That's good. Can I talk to Jasper now before I go?” He asked me and I chuckled.

“Jasper, your dad wants a word with you. I think you're in trouble.” I couldn't help teasing him, I'd missed it.

Frowning at me he let me go with a pop and I instantly missed the warmth, the wetness of his mouth. Handing the phone over to him once again he said “Hey, dad.” He was lying on me this time, our cocks brushing against each other. I ran my hands down his back to his ass. I really wished he was more comfortable with being fucked from behind, I loved to see his back and his ass, to watch his muscles ripple in movement. Gripping his ass firmly I kneaded the muscles there. “Yeah, I know I was lucky.” Jasper said to his dad. “Really? I didn't know that could happen. I'll keep that in mind. Okay, bye. We'll see you soon.” He said and hung the phone up, frowning.

“Jazz, what's wrong?” I asked him.

Shaking his head he said “I'll tell you about it later. Right now there is something that needs to be taken care of.” Rolling off of me he grabbed the lube and a condom from the nightstand. Before I registered what he was doing he'd rolled the condom over my cock. I stared at him curiously. From the way he'd been acting I thought for sure he was going to fuck me. “Edward, please.”

“Okay, but can I make a request?” I asked him hoping he'd agree.

“What is it?” He asked me as I felt his fingers putting lube over my cock.

“Can I fuck you from behind? Please. I want to watch your beautiful back while I'm inside you.” I begged. Taking a deep breath he nodded. Giving him a wide smile I kissed his lips before moving to my knees. Jasper got on his hands and knees as well. Picking up the lube I coated his ass with it before pushing a finger into him. He pushed back towards me so I put another inside and then another coating his walls with the lube. I could hear Jasper take deep breaths to relax the muscles for me to come inside. Kissing Jasper's back down to his ass first I could hear him moan, waiting, wanting. Placing my head at his entrance I pushed through. He was tight. This was the first time I'd been inside him in over a week. Groaning in pleasure I said “Jasper, you feel so good.” All I got was a grunt in response.

With my hands on his hips I thrust into him watching the muscles in his back move and strain against me. One of my hands extended out and traced the muscles as they moved down his back. I wasn't sure if he'd let me do this again, so I was going to memorize it.

Jasper lifted one of his hands to his mouth and licked his palm a few times before reaching down to grip his own cock. “Jasper, do you know how beautiful you are?” I asked him. He moaned at me, not answering. Leaning down some the hand that had been tracing his back went to his head. Turning his head towards me so he could see me I said “Jazz, I've missed you. I missed your body, your touch, your mind, your friendship, your love.” I hadn't meant to say all of those things right then, but they just came tumbling out. My breath hitching I said “I wondered if I'd lost you forever, if what we'd shared was only temporary.”

Blowing out his breath Jasper said “I missed you too, I wasn't sure I'd ever get back to you. But right now please stop talking and fuck me.” I chuckled, he always could make me laugh. I wasn't going to get off with the road my mind had taken. He was right, I needed to stop talking, I needed to fuck him.

“Okay Jasper, you asked for it.” I said and grabbed his hips thrusting in and out of him quickening the pace. The feel of his warm tight heat around my cock brought me pleasure. Jasper growled out as I hit his prostate, that was the end for me. Letting go I cried out “Fuck... Jazz.”

Pulling out of his ass I leaned my chest down against his back and kissed his neck. His hand was still pumping his own cock. I moved it and placed it on the bed. “Jazz, let me take care of you.” Licking one of my hands as he'd done I placed it over his cock running it up and down. His skin was silky against my hand. Keeping my head on his back I brought my other hand around and tugged on his balls. Bringing my hand up to his mouth he licked it again and I placed it over his cock again. With the thumb and forefinger of the hand on his cock I made a ring pushing down on him tightly without being too tight.

“Edward... oh my god.” Jasper cried out. I could feel his balls tighten in my hand before he let go, his cum spilling onto the bed, my hand and his stomach. Jasper fell in a heap on the bed, exhausted. His head was turned to the side as he followed my movements. I licked his cum off my hand and fingers sucking each one. I moaned at the taste, at his own unique flavor. Jasper groaned while I did that.

“So are we still going outside?” I asked Jasper. He looked too tired to move.

“Yeah, just not right this second. Give me a few minutes.” He replied.

“All right.” I said and got up to clean myself off and came back to Jasper to clean him up too. We would need a proper shower before we left the apartment.

Out of the blue Jasper said “The last time you fucked me I was on the couch and sick.” What the hell was he talking about? That never happened.

We'd come home and keeping the lights off I'd sat him on the couch and brought him some water and pain relievers. Then I'd loosened his tie and his belt and undid the first couple of buttons on his shirt. When he went to undo the other buttons I stopped him and did it for him. His skin burned me like he was on fire. I left the room and came back to see him lying on his back on the couch moaning and muttering to himself. He was moving around too much and I told him “Jazz, lie still.” Then trying to shake him I said “Jazz, you're not okay. What else is wrong with you?” He told me nothing was wrong, I didn't believe him. I removed his clothes and put more comfortable ones on him. Then I placed several blankets on him to get the shaking to stop.

I'd called Mike and had him come to the apartment, I knew I needed those papers signed and legal right then. Jasper didn't seem too out of it while Mike was there.

“Jasper, what are you going on about? I never had sex with you when you were sick. The last time we did anything before last night was in the car that day.” I told him, now I was the one that was confused.

After showing Mike out I'd taken Jasper's temperature, it was sky high. He needed to go to the hospital then, but he wouldn't go. He argued and argued with me as he drifted in and out of sleep right before throwing up. I'd had a time of it trying to get him out of the apartment. He kept telling me he was too tired and too confused to go to the hospital. Jasper couldn't even make it back to the living room instead crashing on the bed.

“Are you sure? I remember you fucking me on the couch. I remember you eating something and the smell made me sick to my stomach.” He said sitting up, his brow furrowed.

“Jasper, I'm positive. I never ate in front of you either. You were confused that night, but I didn't realize you were that confused, even then.” I told him. Thank god he'd been lucid enough to sign the papers when Mike came over.

“Why do I think you did? What's that all about?” He asked me stunned.

“Well, I know that meningitis can cause confusion. I'm not sure I've ever seen a case that severe though.” I told him. He probably had been having some small seizures throughout his illness as well then.

Nodding at me he said “Yeah, that's what our dad said. He told me I was lucky, that if I hadn't been treated in time I might have lost a limb, caused permanent brain damage, or even died.”

“Yes, all of those things are true. It was lucky that Emmett made you go. You were angry and confused and fighting me the whole way about going.” I told him.

“Our dad said the anger, confusion and exhaustion could last several weeks.” Jasper told me sadly. “I don't want to be that way.”

“I know you don't, Jazz, but it'll be okay. You'll be back to yourself eventually. At least you don't have to try and teach like that.” I said.

He laughed at me saying “Yeah, that girl that tried to get me into trouble wouldn't have known what hit her.”

Chuckling I pulled him close to me, it had been too long since I'd been able to do this. Eventually we did decide to get out of bed and take a shower. We managed just to keep our hands to ourselves and just take the shower. I don't know how we did, but we did. It had seemed like all night we'd been making up for lost time.

Getting dressed I asked Jasper “So, where do you want to go today?”

“The docks, I think. I missed outside, the sky, the water, in the hospital.” Jasper said and I nodded. We'd have to drive part of the way there. We didn't live quite close enough to the water and Jasper was in no condition to do a lot of extra walking right now. I was actually surprised he wanted to leave the house at all, he should be too exhausted.

Once we got there Jasper seemed to be at peace. He sniffed the air and let his head fall back as the breeze from the water blew across his face. I smiled and hugged him before we decided to stroll along the docks looking at both the water and all the buildings surrounding Puget Sound. Today it was sunny and the sunlight glittered off the water and buildings making everything look bright and shiny. It almost hurt my eyes to look at it.

Suddenly I felt Jasper's arms around me as he turned me to him so that I was facing him. “Thank you, Edward.” He whispered before kissing my neck.

“What are you thanking me for, Jasper?” I asked curiously.

“For being there when I needed you. For making me go to the hospital even when I didn't want to go. For keeping me from getting sicker. For not fucking me when I was so sick, like I thought you did.” He said quietly before kissing my lips.

Pulling away I said “Of course I was there for you. Jasper, I love you more than you can possibly understand.”

Closing his eyes he said “I know. I know you do. I love you too, Edward. I love you more than you probably think I do, as well.” Kissing his mouth I let my tongue taste his lips before tasting his tongue. His warm breath entered my mouth enveloping my insides. Our arms were wrapped around each other holding the other close.

Forgetting where we were a minute it took me a few minutes to recognize another sound besides us. Someone was hurling insults at us, I could tell by his tone before I registered what was said. A man was shouting “Go back in the closet where you belong, fagots. Real men eat pussy, not suck dick.” I was mad, but Jasper was shaking in rage. As far as I was concerned I'd continue kissing him and ignore the man. They were just words, granted they were hurtful ones, but words nonetheless. He didn't actually confront us. When Jasper turned to face him I could tell he had other ideas. No, no, no. Jasper was too weak right now to fight this guy and also too angry. He'd only manage to get himself hurt and possibly back in the hospital again.

Jasper shouted at him “Maybe you are the one that needs to come out of the closet.” He seemed pleased with himself at agitating the man.

Groaning I said “Jazz, no. Ignore him and let him be on his way, you don't have to fight today.”

The man chuckled and sneered “Yeah, listen to your girlfriend over there.”

Looking at the man I said “If you know what's good for you, you will go away now.” Jasper wouldn't be able to fight the man after being so sick, but I could. At that moment though I was holding Jasper back with my arms wrapped tightly around his torso and my feet were practically standing on his.

The man must have seen that I was serious and walked away still throwing insults at us. Jasper turned around his face full of rage as he yelled “Why the hell did you stop me? He was rude. I think he needed to be taught a lesson.”

Sighing at him I said “Because Jasper this isn't you, you'd regret it. The anger you feel is a lingering effect of your illness.”

Shoving me away he shouted “Don't tell me how I feel. I hate people like that.”

“Okay Jasper, if you feel that way then run after that man and beat him to death.” I said calmly.

He blinked at me a few times and his mouth gaped open. “What? I didn't say I wanted to kill him.”

“Maybe not, but if you want people like that to stop hating you beating them up all the time isn't going to do it. It's not you anyway, Jazz. When you get better you'd hate yourself for it instead of them. I know you would.” I said and turned away. He would either follow me or stay there to pull himself together. I hoped the anger didn't last long. I thought his anger towards that man was legitimate, I was angry, but I didn't think his reaction and probable overreaction if I hadn't been there was necessary.

Hearing shuffling feet behind me I turned around. Jasper was slowly catching up to me with his head down. Looking up at me through his lashes he said “I'm sorry. I shouldn't be like that. I know better, I know this is already hard enough for you.”

“It's hard for you too.” I claimed.

Shaking his head no he said “No, it isn't. I don't have any doubts that I want you, that I want all of you, even in public. You do though and that makes me angry when people do that because it makes it harder for you to be comfortable with me in public. I know you are trying, Edward, and people like that just seem to put you back in the closet right after you've come out over and over again.” Now it was my turn to gape at him. Did I really do that? Yeah, I guess I did. One minute I was bold and the next I was in hiding.

Holding out my hand to him he grabbed it, our fingers interlocking, and I tried to walk down the docks with the confidence Jasper was sending me.