Strange Desire: Chapter Fourteen

Strange Desire: Chapter Fourteen

AN: Okay, so one of you likes my writing better when I'm sick. They think it comes across better when I'm delirious or feeling high, haha. That might just be because I'm more careful about posting it though. I'm absolutely high from medication right now as I'm writing this... so, don't blame me for what comes out. I'm telling you right now I'm high as a fucking kite from all that shit. You should ask OCDJen, she had to put up with some of the craziness. Some of you won't like what I did to Jasper, but that wasn't the medication talking, I'd already planned that out before.

Characters belong to SM, except Jamie, he's all mine. Thanks to the real one for letting me use his name.

JPOV

Standing beside the bed I had a box of condoms in one hand and a bottle of lube in the other debating on whether or not to pack it. Would I even be comfortable enough to be with Edward in my parent's house? This was what I was having an internal debate over. Feeling strong arms wrap around me and a kiss on my neck I dropped them in the bag and turned around. Kissing Edward just once I noticed he was still in his scrubs. “Are you almost ready to go?” He asked me. Yes, and no.

Nodding my head I said “Yeah, I'm almost finished packing.”

Smiling sleepily at me he said “Great. I'm going to go get changed, then we can go.” He walked out the door to his bedroom. Edward had already packed his things last night before leaving for work, they were on the bottom of the bag.

The past two and a half weeks Edward worked every night nearly without a break. He stayed home with me the first day I'd gotten out of the hospital as well as the next, but after that it was constant. After not working that week I was in the hospital and then with us going out of town now he wanted to get work in somehow. I missed him.

Ready to leave we walked out of the apartment passing by to say bye to Emmett and Rosalie before they left for work. Heading out to the car I took the car keys and Edward frowned at me and asked “What are you doing, Jasper? I'm driving.”

Snorting at him I said “No, you're not. You've been up all night, let me drive. You should get some sleep and then if you want to drive I'll let you, but not right now.” No fucking way was I letting him drive, his eyes had big dark circles under them and his eyes looked like he could barely keep them open. Thanks, but I'd rather not have an accident just because he fell asleep at the wheel.

Instead of arguing with me he just got in the passenger side. It was a good thing too, I was already on edge. I know I would have exploded.

The past two and a half weeks I'd barely seen Edward and it was wearing on me, especially now. Most of the time had been spent in the company of myself, Emmett, Rosalie, or Jamie. Emmett seemed to think I needed to exercise every damn day no matter how tired I was. He insisted on waking me up before the sun came out. I'd taken to just not going to bed until daytime when he wasn't home and Edward was. Emmett was full of energy though and always wanted to go overboard. He had me running one day until I thought my legs were going to fall off. It wasn't that I wasn't used to running, it was that he wanted me to go further than I ever did even before I got sick and I wasn't exactly lazy. He drove me up the fucking walls. Whenever I tried to argue with him he'd put a stop to it and tell me to take my anger out on the pavement. Fucker.

Rosalie had been a little easier to get along with. She'd insisted on coming over and cooking for us, under the pretense that I was the one doing it. To be honest, at the moment I don't think I could have done much cooking other than making something simple. It was good food though, much better than the hospital's.

The night Edward went back to work I'd gone to Emmett and Rosalie's apartment. The entire apartment was covered in football paraphernalia, at least what I could see of it. The kitchen, living room and dining room had something football related in it. When I looked to Rose I asked “I take it this is all Emmett's stuff?”

She laughed at me and answered “No. I love football just as much as Emmett, maybe more.” I was shocked, she didn't look like someone who'd enjoy that, but was anyone who they appeared to be on the outside?

We ordered pizza with all of us there and Emmett complained to me “I can't wait until you feel better. I'd like something better than take-out and pizza and whatever mess Rosie cooks.” Rosalie shot him a dirty look, smacked him on the head and turned to look at me and winked. I could see Jamie holding back a snicker. Did he know about all that stupid shit Rosalie had us lying over? It was my guess that he did.

Rose turned to look at Emmett and said sarcastically “As much as you eat I'd think you'd learn to cook yourself by now. Why don't you try it sometime?”

“Aww, Rosie, don't be like that. You know I'd burn it or some shit.” Emmett moaned. Rosalie rolled her eyes at him.

“Okay, so I'm confused. How did you guys meet? I mean you obviously met at the hospital, right?” I asked. They all nodded their heads, mouths full.

“Oh, I wanted to apologize for not knowing you were there, I was really out of it.” I said sincerely apologizing.

“It's okay, Jasper. We understand. Just don't forget us again.” Rosalie laughed.

Emmett spoke up with his mouth still full and said “Hedidnforgeme.” He was lucky all of us understood what the hell he said. Swallowing hard he said again, smug “He didn't forget me.” I rolled my eyes. I don't know how I didn't forget him, but I didn't. Maybe because he's the one that practically got me out of the apartment as I was nearly kicking and screaming.

“Again, are any of you going to tell me how you met exactly?” I asked, then shook my head no and tried again. “I mean I know how you met. How the hell did you become friends?”

“What do you mean? Why wouldn't we be friends?” Emmett asked, it was his turn to be confused. I was frustrated. No one was answering me. If they didn't tell me soon I knew I was going to explode in anger.

“Emmett... you had trouble accepting us. And let's face it, Jamie isn't exactly in the closet.” I said hoping I didn't offend any of them, but I knew I probably did.

“Hey, I'm sitting right here, you know.” Jamie said frowning at me. God damn, what was the deal with all the you knows? If he said it one more time I was going to throttle him. He'd already said it two or three times when he was talking to Edward and I in the hall.

“Jasper, it's probably because of you and Edward that we are friends in the first place. I mean aside from the fact that you know him.” Emmett said carefully. Hmm... he must have known I was nearly ready to blow.

Rosalie finally took pity on me and came to the rescue. She glared at both Emmett and Jamie pissed off, she had to know about the anger thing then. God, I hated it. It wasn't like me to get upset over stupid shit. “Jasper, we all met in the parking lot at the hospital.” Rosalie said. Yeah, and? “Some guys were messing with Jamie because according to them he looked gay.” She continued. I turned to look at Jamie again. What the hell were they talking about? How do you 'look' gay? To me Jamie didn't look any more gay than Emmett did, at least not until he opened his mouth.

“Anyway, Emmett broke up the fight and walked us into the hospital.” Rosalie finished off before Emmett shot her a dirty look. What was that about?

“Yeah... like I'm the one that finished that.” He huffed.

What the fuck were they talking about? If they didn't hurry up and tell me I swear I would smack them all. Jasper, take control of yourself, you can't do that. Yeah? Watch me.

Finally I exploded with “What the fuck are you guys not telling me?”

From beside me I heard Jamie whisper “Rose kissed me.” When I looked at him he still seemed like he was in shock over it. Emmett crossed his arms over his chest and huffed again looking at Rosalie.

“You did what?” I shouted at her. Rosalie didn't look like she felt guilty, at all.

“I did what I had to. They still wouldn't leave Jamie alone, so I told them he had a girlfriend and kissed him.” She tried to explain. I shook my head at her. I still couldn't come up with a logical explanation as to why they were friends. Logic didn't always make friends though.

Jamie was frowning beside me as he moaned “Yeah, that's the most action I've gotten since my party.” I snickered. It hadn't been that long. Then he said “And with a woman too.” He acted like that was pure torture.

“But you're not...” I started and Rosalie and Jamie both shot me a warning glance and looked at Emmett. My mouth snapped shut. Yeah, it was probably better if Emmett didn't know Jamie was pansexual. I didn't even think he could grasp the concept.

Remembering that Jamie had liked some guy at the party I asked him about it hoping to change the subject. “What about the guy at the party? The one that said he'd take your nude pictures.” Emmett choked on his food at that.

“Well, what happened?” I asked impatiently, it was difficult to wait for all their answers. Holy fuck, what was wrong with me? Seriously I needed to calm myself down.

Jamie smiled and answered with “Oh, he took them alright.”

“And?” Damn, it was like pulling teeth.

“And nothing. He didn't do anything.” Then Jamie sighed and complained “I'm beyond frustrated, you know.” Oh fuck, he said you know again. “We've been out a couple of times, but he hasn't even tried to kiss me.” I started laughing, hard. “What the hell are you laughing about?” He asked me pissed off. Emmett and Rosalie seemed curious about that too.

“Don't I remember Bella warning you about that guy, whatever his name is? She told you he dated guys first, that he wasn't your type.” I said trying to get my laughter under control, it was really quite inappropriate.

“His name is Grant and I thought I could break him by now, at least a little.” Jamie sighed in frustration.

“Well, did you ever think he was trying to break you?” I asked him. He looked at me in surprise. Who knew I could be so insightful, especially right now? I knew I was a little confused at the moment and not thinking clearly, but I didn't think I was wrong about that.

When the evening ended I walked out of Emmett and Rosalie's apartment with Jamie. He asked me “Do you want some company tomorrow morning?”

“Uh, don't you live like forty-minutes away?” I asked. Who would want to drive that far home only to come that far in the morning?

Jamie snickered and told me “I'm not going home, I'm going to Grant's house.” I raised a brow at him. “Yeah, don't give me that look, nothing's going to happen, you know.” Then he muttered under his breath “Even though I wish it would.”

“Why do you keep saying you know?” He was driving me up the fucking wall with it. “Do you always say that?”

“Huh, never realized I said it.” Then he told me “I think I got that from Grant, he says that a lot.”

“Yeah, well it's annoying as hell, just so you know.” I said and he laughed at me for saying you know as well. Damn.

“Bye, Jasper. I'll see you tomorrow morning.” Jamie said waving at me and walking off.

Jamie did come back in the morning after my torture with Emmett and Edward going to bed. He seemed to have a spring in his step. “So, what happened? Did you finally get what you wanted?” I asked him.

“Nope, but I will. Eventually.” He said still looking happy. His eyes were bright and I put two and two together, he was falling for the guy, hard.

Deciding I'd better not push the subject I changed it and asked “Do you want to go with me to the University? I need to get my kids finals.” Shrugging at me he agreed.

When we were in the car I asked “Do you work anywhere? I mean I know you go to school, but are you working during the summer or anything like that?”

“No. I've been looking for a job, but they are scarce these days. I'm probably going to end up doing summer courses instead. I'm behind everyone else my age as I didn't exactly finish high school like I was supposed to with my parents kicking me out and living on the street and all that.” Jamie said sadly.

Looking at him I asked “Have you tried to contact your parents since then?”

Nodding at me he said “Yeah, they don't want anything to do with me.” I felt bad for him. God, I hoped my meeting with my parents wouldn't end up like that.

Picking up my kids papers we went and ate lunch so that we wouldn't disturb Edward until he got a good amount of sleep before going home. I swear Jamie flirted with everyone and I do mean everyone. Was he even aware he was doing that? I doubted it.

Getting back to the apartment I sat down and started going through my students papers. I'd already told Jamie he could leave, but he said he didn't have anywhere else to go until Grant got home from work. Letting him stay I told him he had to be quiet with Edward still sleeping, he looked at me liked I'd grown another head and become an idiot as he said “I know that.” I rolled my eyes at him. Jasper, seriously you have got to stop rolling your eyes just because everyone else does it. Yeah, but it gets my point across, doesn't it?

He picked up some of my kids papers and laughed at some of their answers. Some of them were laughable, but for the most part I felt sadness. One of the papers even had an easy bonus question on it, so easy I thought anyone could answer it. The question was 'Who is the current President of the United States?' The answer I got was 'Um, George Washington or Abraham Lincoln or Colin Powell.' They couldn't even answer the fucking question and they gave me three answers to boot. What the hell was wrong with them? I looked to see who they were and find out if perhaps their first language wasn't English or something, thinking maybe they didn't understand the question in the first place. No, this person had no excuse. Were some people really that stupid or were they just that lazy?

Jamie got a big kick out of their answers and poured over the ones I graded. “Jasper, I haven't even taken that class yet and I think I could pass with my eyes and ears closed.”

Surprised I said “Well, you'd better get a move on and take it then.”

“Maybe I will, maybe I'll sign up to be in your class.” He said laughing.

“Hmm... I don't know about that, it might look bad.” I said remembering to try to keep myself clean, especially after all the trouble I'd had this year.

“Don't worry, I'll act like I don't know you. I might even act like one of your worst students.” He said snickering.

At that moment Edward came out of my room as he'd been sleeping on my bed, he only had boxers on. Two rounds of “Fuck” came out of both mine and Jamie's mouth. I glanced at him in warning to back off. He shrugged and said “What? I can't look? You aren't going to be able to stop me.” Okay, now he was making me mad. I already had a hard enough time feeling jealous of the men Edward had fucked, and they weren't even friends with him, just random people. Jamie though? They already had a connection somewhat and it pissed me off no end.

Before I lost it Edward asked “What's going on?” He blinked a few times, still sleepy.

“Oh, nothing.” Jamie answered. I glared at him. He rolled his eyes at me and picked up the papers I'd been grading and said “Although we've been making fun of some of his students.”

“Give those back.” I said snatching them from his hand. Edward looked back and forth between us and burst out laughing. What the hell was he laughing for?

Coming over to stand behind me he leaned down and kissed my neck making me shiver before he said “Don't be jealous, you're the one I love.” How the hell had he figured out I was jealous from that short span of time?

“I've gotta go, guys. I'll see you later.” Jamie said and rushed off either to get away from me or not miss any time with his new interest. I didn't care. Surprisingly I hadn't run Jamie off like I thought I had, he still came and visited a few times in the following couple of weeks.

Edward woke up from his slumber in the passenger seat bringing me back to the present. Groggily he asked “How much longer?”

“We're more than halfway there.” Answering him I looked over and smiled, his hair was a total mess.

He grunted at me and remained quiet, still not completely awake. When he started fidgeting I asked “Do we need to stop?”

He looked at me surprised and answered “No, why?”

“Because you keep fidgeting, what's got into you?” I questioned.

Looking out the window he told me “I'm just worried, that's all. What if they reject us? I don't want them to reject you, you still need them. Me? It doesn't matter. I've been through it before, I'll live. Although I'd rather it not turn out like that. I love your parents, they feel like mine.”

Thinking it over I said “I don't know what their reaction will be, but I don't think they'd reject us, at least not as people or as their children. As far as accepting us being together, I don't know what their reaction will be to that. I'm not in their heads.” Edward looked over at me and bit his lip before looking back out the window. The rest of the drive was almost in total silence. It didn't put my mood any less on edge.

We'd decided we'd tell them together at the same time after dinner tonight. As far as Edward was concerned it was probably the last meal he'd ever have there. I didn't think it would be, but I knew why he'd think that way. If they kicked us out of their home then we'd stay in a hotel and drive home tomorrow. We would have more alone time that way, but I didn't want it to turn out like that. I trusted my parents a little more I think than he did.

Pulling into the long drive Edward was shaking he was so nervous. Shit, even I wasn't that nervous. Then again I had no negative experiences to draw from. Putting my hand over his I said “Calm down, Edward.” How many times had he told me to calm down lately? It was something I usually said to him, not the other way around. Fuck being sick, I wanted control over my emotions already, it didn't seem like I was going to get it. Parking the car I kissed him once on the lips and squeezed his hand. If anyone was bothering to look out the windows they would have seen it. Did I care at that moment in time? No, I didn't.

Edward got out of the car more slowly than I did, I could see his heavy steps loaded with dread. He looked like he was walking to his execution. I hoped we weren't.

Walking up the porch steps to the two story house I began to get a little more nervous. Now that we were here, actually here, the fear started to set in. Opening the door I called out “Mom?” I knew my father would still be at work.

“Jasper!” My mom said excitedly from what sounded like the kitchen. She came running out with her hair falling around her eyes. My mom stood there beaming at me for a few seconds before she hugged me tightly to her. Patting my hair she said “Oh Jasper, honey, I'm so glad you're well. We were worried about you.” Stepping back from me she looked me up and down and said “Well, at least you've been taken care of. You look better already than you did in the hospital.” I rolled my eyes at her. Yes, between Emmett, Rosalie and Edward, I was well taken care of.

Edward stood almost behind me trying not to intrude. She wouldn't have any of that. My mom came up to him and hugged him too. “Thank you for keeping Jasper healthy. I don't want to lose my sons, either one of you.” Rolling my eyes at her, I wanted to say 'MOM' in a childish imitation of irritation.

“I saw that, Jasper.” My mom said, still turned away from me. How the hell did she know?

“Okay, now off with your shoes and socks.” She commanded. What the fuck for? Edward and I exchanged a look before she wandered back into the kitchen.

Removing our shoes and socks off in the entryway and placing them out of the way I stepped out and was nearly blinded by the living room. What was the deal with all the white? White carpet covered the floors, the chairs and couch were white, as well as the walls. The only thing that was not white was one gold throw on the couch and the green of the few flowers she had in the living room that were also white. I hated it, it reminded me of the hospital. It looked sterile. I was afraid to touch anything in here. Damn, it was a good thing there were no children in this house, that carpet wouldn't stay white for two seconds.

Sitting down gingerly on the couch I made sure my hands didn't come into contact with any of the material, I was afraid I'd soil it. Edward sat down next to me, but not too close. The all white was making my head hurt. When my mom came back into the room she sat in one of the chairs and I asked her “Mom, what's the deal with all this white?” I sincerely hoped the rest of the house didn't look like that.

“What? I like it, it looks clean.” She said. Not for long, it doesn't. I grunted noncommittally at her answer.

Changing the subject she said “I hope you boys don't mind, but seeing as how this is a white couch neither one of you can sleep down here. Edward's old room is my design room now, so that leaves Jasper's old room. I turned it into a guest room. Do you have a problem sharing the same bed?” She asked us. Oh, she was good. She knew, I knew she knew.

Shrugging I said “It's fine.” I wasn't prepared to get into that now. We'd tell them at one time, so as to only go through it once.

Smiling at us she said “Good, good. Now I'm going to go finish up dinner before your father gets home. Why don't you guys go check out the room.”

Edward hadn't said a word during this whole exchange, but I hadn't looked at him either. When I did he was completely still and his mouth hung open. Snapping my fingers in front of his face I said “Earth to Edward, are you there?” He shook his head and finally looked at me. Standing up first he followed and I went upstairs to see what used to be my room. The last time we'd been here everything looked the same as when we'd left it.

Walking into the room I was relieved to find that it wasn't all white, nor was it completely feminine. The carpet here was a warm brown, the walls were a muted dark blue. The bed had a brown and blue bedspread that had square patterns to match the carpet and walls. The colors were too exact, my mom must have made it herself. I was just thankful I wouldn't have to endure an all white room while sleeping.

Lying down on the bed I closed my eyes with my arm over them and sank into the mattress, it was comfortable. The next thing I knew I could hear Edward's soft snore next to me. He'd fallen asleep with his arm around my waist and his head on my chest. I curled my other arm around his shoulders holding him to me and fell asleep myself. Drifting in and out of my dream state I thought I heard conversation, it didn't come from Edward or me. I could hear far off comments of 'Don't they look cute together?' and 'Do you remember when they used to sleep like that when they were younger?' as well as 'Do you think they are finally going to tell us they are together? I mean we've known for a long time. What are they afraid of?' I thought I must be dreaming these things.

Stirring awake I felt Edward nuzzling my neck and his lips kissing it. I sighed and he became more insistent as he climbed on top of me. “Jasper, wake up. Esme is calling us down to dinner.” Edward told me. Groaning at him I didn't want to get up, staying right here was preferable. Opening my eyes I looked up at his green ones right before his lips attached to mine.

Pulling away from him I said “Edward, if you don't stop doing that, I'm not going down to dinner.” He chuckled and got off me. When I stood up I noticed the bedroom door was wide open. Either we hadn't shut it or someone else had opened it, I just wasn't sure which. That made me a little uncomfortable. What if they saw us like that? If my dreams were real and not dreams, then they did.

Walking down the stairs I made sure I was behind Edward so I could see his ass. He had a nice one. Snorting at myself, could I be anymore obvious? No one else saw it though as they were all in the dining room.

Seeing my father at the head of the table I began to get nervous all over again. Could I really do this? Could Edward? He'd be the hardest person to win over. Edward stood there shifting his weight on his feet, nervous too. Standing up to greet us my father came over to me and hugged me before hugging Edward. He said “I'm happy to see you got your memory back, son. We were really worried.”

“Yeah, me too.” I said. Edward looked like he wanted to touch me, but decided against it.

We all sat down to dinner with Edward on one side of the table and me across from him, the way it had always been after he moved in here. Thinking back from before he moved in with us he always sat next to me, not across. What changed?

My parents kept the conversation light, which I was grateful for. I was incredibly nervous and becoming more so with each passing second. Picking at my food I barely ate it, my stomach was in knots. Edward looked at me over the table and all I wanted was to be with just him, the rest of the world could go to hell. Shaking my head I came back to reality. We finished dinner and I told my mom we'd wash dishes, almost trying to put off the inevitable.

Clearing the table I put the dishes in the sink and Edward came up behind me kissing my neck. I nearly broke the dish in my hand as I jumped. Turning around in a panic I looked around and took a deep breath when I realized we were alone. “Jasper, let's hurry up and finish. We need to tell them, the longer we wait the worse it's going to get.” I knew he was right, but somehow I wished my parents would let us know it was okay before we told them. Yeah, Jasper, like that will ever happen.

We finished the dishes quickly in silence. Edward squeezed my hand and kissed my lips before turning us into the living room where mom and dad were waiting. Right now I was a nervous wreck. Edward seemed to have calmed down, but I didn't know how. It was almost as if I took on all the negativity he had into myself which helped him, but it wasn't doing me any good at all right now.

My parents were sitting in the arm chairs leaving us to the couch. I vaguely wondered if they'd done that on purpose. Sitting down on the couch close together this time we looked at my parents, perhaps for the last time. My mom was on the edge of her chair almost as if she knew what we were about to tell her. My father had leaned back in his chair looking tired, trying to relax.

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but I took a deep breath and picked up his hand first. He glanced at me and let me take over. “Mom, dad, we have something to tell you. Edward and I are together.” Clearing my throat I said “I mean we are partners.” My parents exchanged a look before they turned their heads back to us. Oh, shit. That didn't mean they were taking this badly, did it?

My mom looked at us and said somewhat happily “We know. We've known for years now, we're just glad you finally told us.” I couldn't help the anger that boiled over at that, it was completely irrational. All of the anger, fear, nervousness and frustration came out in that moment. I couldn't help it, no matter how much I didn't want to feel that way.

Standing up and yanking my hand away from Edward's I yelled “What? How the hell did you know? I didn't even fucking know.” My voice was loud, angry, and disrespectful. I didn't care. My parents and Edward had shocked looks on their faces. I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of there. If I didn't my fist would be in one of the walls.

Running out the front door without bothering to put my shoes and socks back on I vaguely registered Edward's disappointed look. I couldn't stay here right now though, I couldn't. Pounding down the stairs and out to the trees I slowed down and took all my anger out on a tree. The anger started to slow as my hands began to burn with all the abrasions from the bark.

In my head there were two constant thoughts running simultaneously. The first thought was if someone had mentioned that I liked Edward before now then I could have been with him for much longer, years maybe. The other more negative thought was, had people around me influenced me into liking him and I never would have otherwise? This was the thought that made me run out of that room. I never liked any other guy, never, so was it possible that others had that much control over me?

As my breathing slowed and the anger started to slow I began to get angry again, only at myself this time. Why did I have to run out of there? I wanted this to go better for Edward than his own parents and yet here I was outside, without him, beating a stupid fucking tree. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

After a few minutes I heard another pair of feet behind me. Turning towards him I knew who it was automatically. Edward. “Jasper?” He questioned me calmly. His eyes flickered down and he noticed my bloody knuckles. His jaw tightening he picked up my hands gently and asked “Why?”

Shaking my head at him I didn't want to tell him. “Tell me.” He commanded.

Looking down I couldn't see his face when I told him, he'd be hurt and I couldn't bear it. “You won't like what I have to say.” I stated quietly.

“Jasper, just tell me.” He pleaded.

“Okay... but remember you asked.” I told him before taking a deep breath. Speaking very carefully I said “I have two thoughts in my head right now. One of them being, did other people influence me to like you as more than just a friend? I mean I never liked any guy other than you.” Edward dropped my hands and stepped back. When I looked up at his face it was pale. Why couldn't I keep that information to myself? I reached up and he flinched as I placed a hand on his face, it was cold.

I half expected him to walk away from me, but he just stood there, stunned. The sight broke my heart and I mentally kicked myself for being such an idiot. Putting my other hand on his face as well he flinched away from me again, but I wouldn't let go. “Edward, please listen to me.” I was pleading with him now. I didn't know if he was listening or not, but I began speaking anyway, hoping to crawl out of this mess. “Do you want to know what the other thought I had was?” I asked him and wasn't surprised at getting no reply. “The other thought was if I had known, if people had told me, would we have had more time together already? Would we have been happy together before now?”

Moving my hands away from his face I wrapped my arms around his waist and placed my head on his shoulder. What the hell was I thinking? Why was I panicking? This was my home. I loved this man, so why did I let my mind get carried away like that? Kissing his neck I breathed “Edward, I love you.”

Only barely managing to hug me back Edward stepped back and said quietly “Let's go back to the house.” Then he started walking away from me towards the house, he didn't look back to see if I followed or not. Fuck. I was going to have to fix this. This was worse to me than if my parents had kicked us out, much worse.

Walking up the porch stairs I noticed a bowl of water and some towels there for us to wash our muddy feet off. Why did my mom think white carpet was a good idea? Sitting down beside Edward I grabbed a towel and instead of cleaning my own feet I grabbed his. He looked at me startled as I began removing the mud from them. That meant he hadn't taken the time to put on his socks or shoes either when he came out to find me. Shit, shit, shit.

“Edward, I'm sorry.” I said softly unable to look at him. He didn't say a word, not one fucking damn word. I only had myself to blame for this. Why couldn't I get my emotions under control? Maybe if I had or maybe if we'd waited until I was better this might not have happened. The thoughts would have been the same, but my reaction might not have been so over the top. Edward had been good putting up with all of my angry outbursts, I knew that, but this was just one too many and too important for him to ignore it.

Drying off his feet first Edward got up and went inside the house still not speaking to me leaving me to clean my own feet. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

After I was done I walked back inside the entryway and walked into the living room. Edward was sitting on the couch with my mom beside him, her arm around his shoulders. He was staring off into space.

“Jasper.” My father interrupted me. “Come into the kitchen.”

Following him I sat down at the breakfast table. He had stuff already laid out on the table to clean my hands with. Looking up at him I asked “How did you know?”

My father sat down and said grimly “Edward.” Fuck, he was taking care of me even if he couldn't do it himself right now. Tears stung my eyes. I felt like total shit.

My father cleaned up the cuts and removed the splinters from the bark from my hands before putting some ointment on them. I think the tree won that fight, my hands were a mess.

When my father was done he spoke up saying “Jasper, Edward is good for you. Don't do anything stupid.” Too late, dad. I've already done it. It didn't hit me until much later that he accepted us as a couple.

“Thanks, dad.” I said looking down at my hands.

“You're welcome.” He said cleaning up the mess. I walked up to my old bedroom passing by my mom and Edward. They were still sitting there not having moved much. It hurt me to see Edward like that and knowing I'd been the one that did it, that I couldn't give him the comfort he needed, that it was my fault.

Sitting down on the side of the bed I put my head in my hands trying not to think of what I'd done, it was only giving me a massive headache. I felt the bed dip slightly next to me and looked up to see my mom sitting there. Putting her arm around me like she had done to Edward she pulled me in and asked “What happened?” Instead of speaking I sobbed. “It's okay, honey.” She soothed rubbing my back. “Just tell me what happened.” She prompted again.

Pulling away from her I wiped my eyes and tried to choke out what I'd felt, what I'd said to Edward. I wasn't sure she could understand me, but she did. Pushing the hair that had fallen in my face away she said “Jasper, we have known you loved each other for a very long time. Edward told us how long you'd actually been together. We were a little shocked, to tell you the truth.”

“Why?” I asked her.

Biting her lip as though she wasn't sure how much she should say she came to a decision and said “When you were younger you used to sleep together all the time, just like you did this afternoon.” So they did see us. “It was only after Edward moved in that that stopped. At the time I assumed it was because he wasn't living with his father anymore. We always found you like that when he came over because something bad happened at his house.” What was she talking about? I didn't remember that at all. “Then when you got older and you started dating girls it almost seemed like you dated them to cover up how much you wanted Edward. He did the same thing too. We wondered if you were secretly dating and were just too afraid to tell us.” My mom was too observant sometimes.

“We weren't dating.” I whispered, even though I wished we had been. The thought of the other men Edward had fucked burned and ate away at my insides.

“We know that now.” She said and kissed my head as though I was five. “Well, I'm going to bed now. I'll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, mom.” I said as she got off the bed.

“Goodnight, Jasper.” She said and walked out the door.

Still sitting on my bed not having moved an inch, my head still in my hands, I heard footsteps and looked up. Edward stood in the doorway seemingly unsure if he wanted to walk into the room or not. “You might as well come in, Edward.” I said sighing. He only responded by walking into the room and laying down on the other side of the bed. He was completely clothed on top of the covers turned away from me. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I was an idiot.

Lying down myself also completely clothed on top of the covers I lay on my back staring at the ceiling. It seemed like we were two strangers sharing a bed, instead of two people that had been best friends for so long and were now lovers. It was horrible. We lay like that for hours. When I turned my head to see if Edward was asleep, even though I knew instictively that he wasn't, I could see his eyes open in the dark looking at the wall.

Reaching out to him I put my arm around his waist and kissed his ear before saying “I'm sorry.”

Edward shrugged me off and speaking to me for the first time since the whole incident said “Please don't, not right now.” My heart breaking at the rejection I got off the bed and headed downstairs. I wasn't going to be able to sleep anyway.

Finding the whiskey I poured one shot and downed it in half a second letting the liquid warm me. I still felt cold. Pouring another I downed it just as quickly before pouring another and sitting down at the table. Staring into the darkness of the room I hoped Edward would forgive me, that he'd come back to me, that he'd understand. If he didn't... I didn't want to think about that.

“Throwing yourself a pity party?” My father asked a little while later as he came into the kitchen.

“Yeah, something like that.” I answered.

“Jasper, it'll be okay, you'll see. You haven't survived this many years together without a few fights and you always made it back to each other.” He told me. I held onto his words like a lifeline.

When I noticed him for the first time he was fully dressed and looking like he was ready to walk out the door. “Going somewhere?” I asked.

“Work. I got called in.” He said. Yeah, it was probably him being a doctor that was the only reason I could handle Edward being one.

A few minutes later my mom came in also dressed with a happy smile on her face. I was not in the mood for happy this morning. My mom kissed my dad and told him “Have a good day at work. I'll see you when you get home.” He smiled and kissed her back. Gag me with a spoon. I was in no mood to see this either.

My father left a few minutes later and she turned to me her smile still evident. “So Jasper, honey, I'm going out for a few hours today. One of my clients is rethinking some of their designs and trying to do something insane. I hope I can talk them out of it.” She told me.

“Okay, mom.” I said. Great. That would leave Edward and I alone in the house and still strained.

Sitting next to me my mom said “Jasper, I know you guys are fighting right now.” No, fighting would be an improvement, that would mean he was speaking to me. The silence was killing me. “But, don't let that stand in the way if you love each other. Your father and I fight even if we don't let you see it, it's normal when you have two individual minds.” Then, as though she couldn't just end it there she had to go on to say “Make-up sex is the best.” Lalalalala, get that out of my head right now.

“MOM!” I whined loudly. I didn't need that image in my head.

She only laughed and said “What? At least we still love each other.” Ahhhh!!! Please no more, no more.

“Mom, please, just stop.” I begged.

“Alright, alright. I'm going anyway. Help yourselves to whatever you want for breakfast. I should be home by lunchtime, but I'm not making any promises.” She said as she walked out of the kitchen. Then a little more loudly she said “We put your overnight bag by the door. We got it out of the car last night for you.” Yeah, sure you did. I wondered if she snooped around in it. Probably. My face burned as I heard the front door shut behind her.

Deciding to make breakfast I went to the refrigerator and got out some eggs to make for Edward and I, assuming he'd eat it. I proceeded to make omelettes. They weren't that hard to make, but seemed like it, they were simple enough for me to make in my lack of sleep addled mind. I made toast as well, again not too difficult. I was starving after picking at my food last night.

“Esme, are you making breakfast?” Edward asked wiping his face as he walked in.

“No, I'm making breakfast.” I said and he looked up and froze for a second before I saw him try to relax. “Where's mom?” He asked me.

“Apparently, both our parents are working today.” I said. Were they really though? I almost wondered if this was a set-up, to try and force us to talk.

Edward frowned at me and asked “Why? They knew we were coming here to see them. They couldn't have rearranged their schedules?” He sounded annoyed now. I didn't care, it was the most I'd heard from him since we'd told our parents.

Sliding an omelette onto a plate I handed it over to him before turning back to make mine. “Thanks.” He said and picked up some toast.

Finished with mine I sat down at the table next to him, he didn't flinch or pull away from me being this close this time. Opening my mouth to speak I said “Edward, I'm...”

Looking at me sharply he snapped “Don't fucking say you're sorry one more time, I can't handle it.” I was surprised I didn't snap back at him with the way things had been. Going back to my food I had to think of something else to say. The silence was unbearable, not comfortable. The tension in the room would need a machete to cut it.

Clearing my throat I tried another tactic. “Edward, my mom mentioned something to me yesterday, but I don't remember it. I wondered if you did.” I said.

“What is it, Jasper?” He asked warily.

“Do you remember us sleeping together before you moved in here?” I asked.

He looked confused for a minute and said “What? Of course we slept together.” I didn't think he caught what I meant.

“No, I mean in each other's arms. My mom says we did, especially when you came from a fight at your house.” I explained.

“Oh, that.” He said and I could see his neck turn red before it reached his face. Why?

“What do you mean oh, that?” I asked.

“I mean I remember it.” He stated. Argh!!! I could feel my temper starting to rise again at the lack of answers. No, get a hold of yourself, Jasper. Don't explode again.

“I don't.” I said and looked at him waiting for some sort of explanation.

“We slept like that until I moved in. Even though I loved it I stopped doing that when I moved in afraid you'd turn from me, just like my parents.” He said sadly. I didn't think he was thinking about us anymore, he was thinking about them.

Pulling him into my arms I wouldn't let go even when he tried to move away from me. I wasn't about to let him go again, not now. I had things I needed to say and I hoped he listened. “Edward, I know you don't want to hear it, but I am sorry.” His body stiffened at my words, but I pressed on. “I love you, so much. I know you felt like I was rejecting you yesterday, but I wasn't. I was angry, confused and afraid. I know your parents kicking you out hurt you. I know my reaction hurt you. Just remember that I love you, no matter what. I may do or say stupid, idiotic, fucked up things sometimes, but I still love you. I want to be with you. I can't imagine being with anyone else.” I let it all out and waited while Edward absorbed what I'd said, assuming he heard it at all.

Lifting up his head he said “I'm tired. Let's go back to bed.” I knew he meant he was sleepy, neither one of us had slept last night. I nodded and we both got up.

Remembering my mom saying that our bag was by the front door I went to get it and brought it upstairs placing it by the bed. Edward was already stripping off his clothes down to his boxers. Fuck me. I wasn't entirely sure he'd let me near him right now though. He got under the covers first and I finished removing my own clothes and slid in under them as well. He was still turned away from me, but when I put my arm around him and had his back to my chest he didn't pull away. I thought I noticed a ghost of a smile on his face before sleep overtook me.

Waking up a few hours later I felt grimy, like I needed a shower. Edward was still asleep in front of me. Lifting myself on my elbow I kissed his neck and then licked the shell of his ear. He shivered at my touch. I whispered “I'm going to take a shower.” He moaned at me, but didn't move. I wasn't sure I'd managed to wake him up.

Getting out of bed I stripped off my only remaining clothing, my boxers. Opening our bag I got out my soap and shampoo and headed to the bathroom. The bathroom door fortunately had an entrance into my bedroom, so I didn't have to walk out into the hall. It was between mine and Edward's old room.

Turning on the hot water I enjoyed the feel of it cascading down my body, relaxing me. I wished Edward would come and enjoy it with me, but I was positive that he was still mad at me, even if it wasn't as much as before. Trying to get rid of those sad thoughts I washed my hair and my body and stood under the spray to rinse off.

The next thing I knew I was being pressed face first into the tile wall. Cold seeped through the tile to my skin making me jump just as much as being pressed into the wall. There was only one person who would do that. “Edward?”

“Were you expecting anyone else, Jazz?” He asked me laughing bitterly. Fucker.

“What are you doing?” I asked him, he still hadn't let up. His hands were holding mine against the tile and his cock was pressed into my ass.

Kissing my neck first, he then bit it, marking me. “I'm showing you who you belong to. Me.” He said aggressively. Fuck.

“I know who I belong to.” I said.

“Really? Are you sure, Jazz? Yesterday, you seemed to think that you belonged to everyone else, that they were the reason we are together.” He told me angrily.

“I'm sure, Edward. Please, just let me turn around.” I pleaded. He had me up against the wall so hard I couldn't move.

“No. I don't think I'll let you. You're going to make it up to me.” Damn, he was aggressive. I liked it. “How are you going to make it up to me?” He asked. I pushed my ass against his hard cock in answer.

“That's not good enough. Tell me.” He commanded. Oh my fucking god.

“Let me make love to you.” It was the only answer I could come up with, I couldn't think clearly.

Scoffing at me Edward said “Make love to me? I don't think so, Jazz.” Then he bit me again and said “I'm going to fuck you senseless without you being able to look at me.” Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Close your eyes.” I let them slip closed, not knowing what else to do. “I want you to feel me, feel what only I can do to you.” I moaned at his words or quite possibly the feel of his cock between the crack of my ass, I wasn't too sure which. I didn't even contemplate opening my eyes.

He still had hold of my hands as I felt his mouth moving across my arms, my shoulders, my neck. Letting go of my hands he warned “Don't move your hands or I will stop doing what I'm doing and take matters into my own hands.” Fuck.

His hands moved down my sides as his lips kissed down my back. He licked some of the indentations where the muscles seperated along the way. I couldn't see him, but I felt his hands on my hips and a nip at my ass. Yelping in surprise I pushed my body uncomfortably into the tile, which only caused me to yelp at that and push my ass closer to him. He laughed at me. Fucker. He was the only one who could do these things to me, he was right about that.

His lips made it between my thighs sucking on the soft skin there. “Fuck...” I breathed. The next thing I felt was his tongue licking the crack of my ass asking for entrance. Taking a wider stance I felt his hands pull my ass cheeks apart and his tongue slip inside. Fuck. His tongue was warm and wet as it touched me inside. I wanted more. “Edward, please...”

Moving his mouth away from there I felt him bite my ass again. Then I could feel a lubed finger in my ass making me moan, and then another one. His fingers pumping inside me felt good, but that's not what I wanted. Pushing against his hand I plead “Please...” He slapped my ass, the water adding its own sting.

Removing his fingers from my ass Edward stood up and pressed his cock against my ass asking “Is this what you want?”

“Fuck, yes.” I growled. Unable to see what he was doing I waited impatiently. His head was finally at my hole waiting to come inside and I almost cried out in relief. Pushing against him he pushed into me slowly. My body wanted to climb up the wall away from him, the feel of him inside me was a sweet burn, the pleasure was too painful. He wouldn't let me. He did as he promised and began fucking me into oblivion. I was in pain up against the wall, I needed to touch myself to get some relief. Not wanting to move my hand without his permission as I didn't think it would be tolerated I asked “Edward, please, can I touch myself?”

“Don't even think about moving your hands, Jazz.” He said with a warning tone. Fuck. How was I going to put up with this?

He continued fucking me and I was in even more pain than before. I could feel Edward close to his release and I was relieved. If he didn't come soon I was going to die right here, right now. My eyes were still closed when I felt his strong fist around my cock. He pumped me quickly trying to get me off as he was about to come. My balls tightened and I shot my load on the shower wall and his hand, my ass clenching around his cock. My forehead fell against the wall as I felt Edward let go shooting his warm cum into the condom he was wearing. I was exhausted and probably bruised from being fucked between a hard body and a hard wall. Edward pulled out of me and placed a soft kiss on my neck that was completely incongrous to what he'd just been doing to me.

When I turned around Edward had a completely innocent look on his face and I snorted. He raised a brow at me and didn't say anything just going along taking his own shower. Fucker.

We both eventually got dressed and went downstairs to find both our parents home. They both looked like they were trying not to laugh. My mom spoke up and asked “Did you boys kiss and make up?” My face turned bright red, I couldn't even look at her.

Edward hummed happily and said “Yes.” I glared at him. My parents laughed and he whispered in my ear “What's wrong, Jazz? That's what they wanted to hear.” Then he kissed me full on the mouth letting his tongue slip inside. We were still in front of my parents. When he pulled away from me he slapped my ass and my parents stared at us with their mouths open. I'll say it again, Edward is a fucker, but he was still mine.

AN: Anyone feel bad for Jasper or Edward? I know I do.